Rendezvous
by Shadow Phantom
Summary: A story of the Marauders, blackmail, teenage angst, a Herbology project, and disgusting green pastries.
1. Love is a thing

Disclaimer: Do I really have to say it again? I am not JK Rowling.

Rated PG for: Some naughty words and (gasps) homosexuals.

Author's Note: Wow. This thing is actually near to ancient, but is still ridiculous amounts of fun. Started my sophomore year of high school, a friend and I traded the story back in forth writing in three to four paragraph increments. The result was, quite…interesting. Hope you enjoy.

_ -_

_Chapter One: Love is...a...um...thing_

_- _

"GIVE IT BACK TO ME SIRIUS OR I SWEAR I-"

"Or you'll what, Jamesy?" Sirius smirked. "You'll shower me with sweet kisses like the rain softly falling on a rose?"

James Potter, age seventeen, went very red in the face and looked as if he might explode at any moment. His best friend, Sirius Black, was dancing, holding a piece of paper out of James's reach. "Sirius, that's PRIVATE. Give it back."

"Give me one good reason why I _should_," snickered Sirius, not attempting to stifle his laughter. "Lily's probably back in the common room, you know. Maybe she'd like to read it right now...or perhaps it needs to be sprayed with _perfume_ first," he added, mischievously batting his eyelashes. He dug in his robes for his wand--but before it was fully out, James had his wand pointed at Sirius.

There was an odd look in James's eyes, and a smile played on his lips as he gazed coolly at Sirius--most of the anger suddenly gone. "You act as if _you've_ never been in love, mate. Surely there's a good reason as to why you snuck out at 3am a few nights ago--_without_ me." Sirius's smile had vanished, and James's lopsided grin broadened. He knew he was right.

Sirius racked his thoughts for an excuse, any excuse as to what he had really been doing outside the dorms at three in the morning. If James caught wind of what he was really up to, then Sirius Black, ladies man extraordinaire, would be ruined. His git of a best friend was likely to tell Peter, and then, well...Peter was horrid at keeping secrets.

Trying to make up for his face fault, Sirius threw a hand dramatically across his eyes. "You're right James! I had a secret rendezvous with a certain mistress of mine up in the Astronomy Tower. Now I shall surely be ruined when you tell my other five girlfriends!" He burst into theatrical tears.

James snorted, and put his wand back into the pocket of his robes. "I should have known...So, who is it this time? Not anyone from Slytherin, I hope...you've snogged practically every girl in Gryffindor--if the rumors are to be believed--and Ravenclaw doesn't quite seem to be your type..."

Sirius felt the color rush back to his face, and managed to force a smile as he and James began to walk down the hall. His friend was wrapped up in his own musings, so Sirius was free to let his mind wander. James had believed his Astronomy Tower lie easily enough, but what would he think when he finally learned the truth? Nonetheless, his secret was safe--for now.

They entered the Great Hall, and scanned the Gryffindor table for a moment before they saw Remus Lupin hailing them while explaining a piece of homework to Peter and eating lunch at the same time. "Is it just me or does Moony take the term 'multi-tasking' to an all new and frightening level?" James asked.

James and Sirius reached their seats before Sirius was forced to elicit a response and took their seats. Lupin looked up from the Potions homework he was helping Peter with a managed a tired smile. "Hello you two. Been off fighting about Lily again?"

"Actually..." Sirius suddenly began to smile, and an expression of dawning horror crossed James's face. Sirius managed to avoid James's frantic grasps, and thrust the formerly forgotten piece of parchment into Lupin's hand. He raised his eyebrows as he read, and glanced up.

Lupin let out a huff of air that might have been a laugh, and impishly eyed Sirius. "Well, I must say I'm surprised...Never quite knew you felt that way about me, Padfoot." Sirius paled a bit, but it went unnoticed as James hastily snatched the paper away. "Very funny, you two. Now if you don't mind, I need to find an owl to send this to Lily."

"You can use Hector if you want," Lupin offered, turning back to the bewildered Peter and his essay. Although his family didn't have much, Lupin's parents had managed to buy him a speckled owl his fifth year. The bird was big and beautiful, and Sirius often made snide remarks about how well he took care of the bird, but neglected himself.

"Thanks!" James stuffed the letter protectively into his pocket and dashed from the Great Hall without so much as a bite of his mashed potatoes. Sirius took the incentive to shovel the food onto his own plate. Lupin's eyebrows went up slightly, but he said nothing and suppressed a smirk as he finished explaining the last of Peter's errors.

He then turned to Sirius. "Have you finished your essay yet? The Professor will hex you if you miss one more assignment you know, what with the N.E.W.T.s coming up and all."

Sirius bit into a roll. "Don't remind me..." he sighed. N.E.W.T. level Potions was probably one of the most difficult classes Sirius had ever taken--only made better by the fact that he was in it with his best friends. "There's not a chance I could concentrate on it now. I'm having too much fun tormenting James about his little poem!"

Peter looked as if he might have tried to defend James, but Lupin spoke before he could get a word in. "So, Padfoot, do you need help with your essay? I could work with you on it later tonight, if you want."

Sirius choked on his roll, and Peter took the initiative to reach over and pat him heartily on the back. When he had dislodged the food from his throat and taken an impressive swig of pumpkin juice he turned to Lupin who was smiling at him. Well, he wasn't fooled by that innocent farce, not one bit. "Since when have I needed help on my homework?" he asked lightly.

"Ever since I helped you score an 'Outstanding' on your O.W.L.s," Remus said, ever patiently. "You wouldn't be in Potions right now without the help that I gave you, and I'm always willing to help Sirius, you know that." A slight grin crept up his face. "Besides, spending quality time with me can't be that bad, can it?"

Sirius was trapped--he wanted to accept Lupin's offer, but Peter was right there...Oh, screw it, he thought. Wormtail wouldn't pick up on anything. He managed to look calm, and grinned slightly as he replied. "Sure, Moony. I promised James I'd go to Quidditch practice with him, but I could meet you in the library after that."

Lupin smiled back, and nonchalantly began to collect his books. "See you then, I suppose."

-

When Sirius accompanied James to Quidditch practice that night, it took all the willpower he contained not to be anything but supportive when concerning Lily. He gave supportive comments including, "sure," "right," and "good for you mate", but in truth he wasn't really listening. All he knew was that if he started teasing James about Lily again, he wouldn't be able to keep a straight face if grilled himself.

"Did you pour itching powder down your robes?" James asked, looking over at Sirius curiously. "You've been dancing around all night."

Sirius tried to suppress his surprise. He needed to say something. Anything. "Hmm?" Perfect...brilliant...NOW he sounded like a COMPLETE idiot.

"Honestly..." muttered James. "I asked what's with you? Why are you acting so...odd?"

Sirius tried to feign innocence. Nonetheless, a slight blush crept onto his cheeks. "Me? Oh, sorry mate. I've just got to get started with that Potions essay due tomorrow...you don't mind if I leave, do you?"

"A potions essay?" James asked, his black eyebrows raising above the frame of his glasses in surprise. "You're going to skive off on Quidditch to do POTIONS?" Sirius nodded earnestly, but James shook his head and laughed. "Not buying it, mate. Tell me, which girl is it this time?"

"I'm not going off to meet a girl," Sirius replied indignantly. "I am going off to do homework." The smile on James's face merely widened. "I am! I made plans with Moony today at lunch."

James chuckled, and pushed a stray piece of hair out of his face. "Still, since when do you do HOMEWORK? The pressure of the N.E.W.T.s must really be getting to you."

"It is," Sirius sighed, "I really want to do well on them...show my stupid mother that I can actually be better than my prat of a brother."

James nodded sympathetically. "I know, Padfoot, I'm sorry. Go ahead, I don't mind if you leave. Tell Moony he better not let you sneak off to the Astronomy Tower, though!" Sirius simply nodded in response, and took off for the castle.

He pounded down the hall and skidded into the library, his bookbag nearly causing to topple over with weight. Madame Pince sent him a look that could have soured new milk, and he grinned confidently at her. When he noticed that a couple of second years were looking his way, Sirius was so bold as to wave. She turned back to her book in a huff.

Creeping his way around studying pupils, Sirius spotted Lupin sitting off in the corner, immersed in a giant and ancient text. "What's that?" he asked, leaning over Moony's shoulder and squinting at the words in the book.

"It's Latin," Lupin said calmly, turning to look up at Sirius. Their faces were mere inches apart. Sirius stared at Lupin's eyes, flecked with gold, and his hair, home to a grey hair or two, and... "Padfoot?" Sirius realized that he was gaping, his lips slightly parted. Bollocks.

Sirius quickly sat back, and tried to hide his embarrassment. Nonetheless, he was thankful nothing had happened—an audience for that sort of thing wasn't exactly what Sirius had had in mind. He chewed on his bottom lip, and glanced at Lupin. "Well…I suppose we should get started?"

Lupin nodded in agreement, and put the Latin book back on the shelf. "How far have you gotten on the essay? Dragon's blood is actually pretty interesting, once you get past all of the repetitive conflicts over regulating its usage."

The other boy continued chewing on his lip—it was a nervous habit he'd picked up a few years ago, and he was having trouble breaking it. "I've got some basic notes, and I've started it, but I need more information."

"Okay," replied Lupin, as he pointed to a book in front of him. "This one's got loads of information. You'll probably finish the essay within the hour if you use it--there's a great chapter on the current usage of blood."

Sirius looked at the cover of the book, and pretended that he was thrilled about his essay and there was nothing more in the world he would love than to learn about dragon's blood. He decided after staring at the cover for a good minute that there was no way he'd be able to get excited about the title _Dragon's Blood: Myth versus Fact, the Newly Discovered and Correct Usage of Dragon's Blood from the Last Century and Middle Ages, and How Not to Confuse These Usages with Folklore._

"Moony," he groaned. "Don't tell me you actually read these kinds of books for fun. Just reading the title nearly puts me to sleep." In reply he simply got a stern look, telling him 'You were the one who begged me to help you get into N.E.W.T.s level potions'. "Fine. I'll read the chapter, and enjoy it too." He flipped open the book and scanned the index for the chapter on the modern usage of dragon's blood.

Across the table, Remus Lupin grinned into his own homework, before struggling up a straight face and lifting his head to face Sirius. He wondered just how long Padfoot would be willing to put up with just about the dullest text he had ever had the pleasure of reading. Long enough for Remus to chuckle at least, before sliding over the actually informative and interesting copy.

Valiantly attempting to stay focused, Sirius continued to stare at the book for a grand total of four minutes before he noticed the other text that Lupin had pushed over. "Moony...if you weren't a Marauder, I'd curse you for that! Especially if you were Snivelly..." Lupin had smiled at first, but it flickered at the mention of Snape. Sirius didn't notice, though, and flipped open the other book.

Lupin watched in amusement as he saw the look on his friend's face go from sheer boredom to noticeable interest. It made him happy whenever Sirius was able to do his homework without threatening the parchment with a variety of jinxes--but, then again, Sirius just simply made him happy.

It was a fact he had come to terms with years before. Why in the world would an immature, arrogant boy, who liked to hex other unfortunate boys make a civil mannered, intelligent young man like Remus Lupin happy? There was no answer to that, and Lupin knew it. So he simply chose to ignore the logical side of things.

"What did you say about using it in medicine?" Sirius asked, looking up from the book. Lupin shrugged. "You know, generally when you help somebody it's customary to actually, well, help them. Just a thought." He was again greeted with silence. "Fine then. Be that way. I can read." He reached across the table and snatched up Lupin's essay.

"Hey, give that back!" the werewolf protested in a soft hiss. Sirius shook his head adamantly, and started scanning the paper. "Sirius, when I said I would help you, I didn't mean that I was going to let you copy from me!" He struggled to keep his voice to barely above a whisper.

"Well a bloody lot of help you've been!" responded Sirius somewhat loudly, his eyes flashing dangerously. A sharp "Shhh," was heard from across the room. Remus Lupin slowly reached for his wand, and muttered something under his breath. An instant later, the parchment Sirius had been scanning was wiped black. "Hey!" Lupin grinned pleasantly, and reached over for his essay. Sirius didn't give up easily, though. He quickly scooted back, and his werewolf friend toppled forward--onto Sirius.

A few students looked over curiously, but Lupin quickly straightened up, and Sirius handed back the parchment--trying to make it seem as if nothing had happened. They cast nervous grins at each other, and tried to keep from laughing. Nonetheless, Madame Pince only tolerated so much disruption. "That's it, out you two!" she exclaimed. "And ten points from Gryffindor!"

They walked out of the library, books in arms, with as much dignity as they could muster. Once they were out of the earshot from all the curious students, Lupin turned on Sirius, looking as if he couldn't decide between laughter and anger. "Well that was productive. What do you say to finishing this in the common room?"

"How about finishing it right here?" Sirius grinned and tapped the parchment with his wand, Lupin's carefully constructed paper reappearing. Once again, the werewolf lunged for his Potions assignment, and ended up pinning Sirius against the wall in attempt to grab it back.

"Well, what have we here? A romantic tryst in the hallway? How perfectly..._Gryffindor_."

Severus Snape lounged casually against the wall, smirking to himself. Sirius narrowed his eyes, and pushed Lupin off of him. Lupin tried to hold Sirius back, but his wand was already raised. "Shut up, Snivelly. We were just coming out of the library, and you know it."

Snape laughed softly to himself, and had already taken out his wand. The two boys circled each other. "Black, you're too easy. At least your brother is smart enough to recognize sarcasm...unless I'm mistaken?"

Lupin was trying in vain to stop the two boys from dueling in the middle of the hallway. "Just shove off Snape, all right? Is it so hard to stop tormenting Sirius for one day?"

"Me tormenting Black?" Snape asked, raising an eyebrow delicately. A sneer crept across his face. "And really, what's so terrible about a bit of sarcasm? You're a little sensitive over such a small joke." He caught the look of dawning horror on Sirius's face and the staunch disapproval on Lupin's. His wand was still lazily pointing in Sirius's direction.

"Dueling in the hallways!? Sirius Black, I guess I shouldn't be surprised, but Remus!?" Lily Evans strode furiously towards them, her Head Girl badge gleaming formidably. "You do realize that two upstanding and influential Gryffindors such as yourselves should follow the rules on a regular basis, don't you? And you, Snape! After all those glowing reviews Lucius Malfoy gave you in our fifth year, I would expect better!" She stood there, hands firmly planted on her hips. "Well, what have you got to say in your defense?"

"Oh, come off it, Evans," complained Sirius, who lowered his wand. "Lupin wasn't involved--just Snivelly and I." Snape shot an angry look at Sirius, but only the fact that the Head Girl was less than ten feet away kept him from cursing anyone.

Lily frowned before speaking. "I won't give you detentions--this time--but only because I don't think I can trust anyone's account of how this started. If I ever see any of you dueling again, though, you're getting detentions with Filch, no questions asked."

Sirius let out a small sigh of relief, but Snape moved forward angrily. "Lucius would give glowing reviews, wouldn't he?" sneered Snape, who also lowered his wand. "Perhaps it's because he knows the difference between the potential of purebloods and Mudbloods--though perhaps Black is an exception to that...standard."

"YOU GREASY GIT, I'LL-"

"SIRIUS!" Lupin grabbed the raging Sirius, who was trying his best to insult Snape and tear his head off his shoulders at the same time. "Stop! He's not worth it! For the love of - Sirius!"

"That's it!" Lily sent a shower of red sparks into the air, and Sirius stopped struggling. Lupin, not convinced, still held him firmly by the arms. "Snape, you'll be getting a detention, and fifteen points once I have a talk with Dumbledore!" Sirius snickered, and Lily whirled on him. "As for you I'll be assigning you a detention for trying to duel on school grounds." Sirius started to protest but Lily didn't give him a chance. "A _detention_ Sirius. Be grateful it's only a detention."

Lupin and Sirius trudged down the corridor together, after being ordered back to the common room by an infuriated Lily. The werewolf said nothing, knowing his friend needed a bit to cool down. A detention with _Filch _was enough to put anyone in a bad mood—especially since he had to serve it with Snape. Nevertheless, the look on Snape's face after being assigned a detention was priceless—even as far as Lupin was concerned.

They reached the portrait hole together, and only paused while Sirius muttered "goblin dung" before climbing in. Remus Lupin chose a pair of chairs by the fire, and the two boys collapsed into them. Sirius glanced up tiredly. "I'm sorry about all that, Moony…I just can't _stand_ that greasy prat."

Lupin gave a slight smile—one that was more evident in his eyes than on his lips. "Don't worry about it, Padfoot. I'd have liked to hex him, too, after what he called Lily…but…" He trailed off, unsure of what to say. That he wasn't brave enough? Not exactly. That he felt sorry for Snape? Not that either. Lupin was at a loss of what to say, so instead of coming up with a reason, he simply changed the subject. "So…do you think we should finish the essays?"

"The question should be if I _want_ to finish the essays." He pulled out his roll of parchment tiredly and then opened the informative book. "Bloody potions."

Sirius sat there forlornly for a few minutes, not really reading the information in the book, as he was still too steamed over the encounter with Snape in the hallway. Slytherins always ruined everything. Especially ones with hooked noses that resembled bats. Still, the truth of what Snape had said, stung Sirius more deeply than he wanted to admit.

He and Lupin hadn't been having a romantic tryst in the hallway, but that wasn't to say that Sirius would be opposed to one. He glanced over at Lupin, who was deeply absorbed in a Transfigurations assignment of his own, and sighed. His life was a cursed one.

It had been sometime right before O.W.L.s fifth year that he had begun to see Lupin in a different light. It had taken him another year for him to admit it to the werewolf—as well as to himself. Since then, things had been…different…but not quite so much as Sirius would have liked. It didn't always seem as if Remus wanted what Sirius did—or was it vice versa?

Nonetheless, Lupin was full of surprises. His reaction to the poem was certainly unexpected, but working on the essays had only been…homework. It wasn't that he'd wanted to dash of to the Astronomy Tower with Lupin, but the disappointment at the evening thus far was frustrating.

Sirius tried to focus his attention on the book, and managed to read a paragraph before shutting it. "Moony…I can't focus on this. Will you please just let me see your essay? I'll make it up to you somehow, I promise."

Lupin thought about protesting again, and telling him that he really needed to start doing these things on his own that when his friends weren't around to him with the answers he would know what he was doing. But the previous encounter with Snape and all the things he had said made Lupin feel too tired to protest, and too sympathetic with Sirius to hold back.

"Of course you can, Padfoot." He took his essay and held it out.

Sirius reached to grab it, but stopped short. "Wait...what's my collateral? I mean, what do I have to do to get this information out of you?" He stared at the glint forming deviously in Lupin's eye, and immediately regretted mentioning a payback. It was just like him to spout something out before realizing that he shouldn't have spouted it in the first place.

Remus Lupin grinned to himself, enjoying the apprehension that crossed Sirius's face. Sirius hated not being in control, a trait that the werewolf found quite entertaining at times. "How about if you help me on my N.E.W.T. Herbology essay this weekend? It's supposed to be three feet of parchment."

Sirius stared back in disbelief. "You want me to help you on an essay? I'll do it, but you're probably asking the wrong person." He took the parchment from Lupin, and scanned it as if it would explain why his friend would demand homework help, of all things.

The werewolf calmly put his quill in his bag, and looked up. "It's not so much that I want you to help me write the essay. I need to get a sample of a few plants, though, and I think a trip to the Forbidden Forest is in order."

"That's against school rules though," Sirius pointed out. "Can't you just collect the plants the way that the professor suggested?"

Lupin gave Sirius a look the resembled he and James when they were begging for the werewolf to go along on a prank. "Come on Padfoot, I've been on plenty of not entirely legal trips with you and James, and ever since he became Head Boy we haven't had much fun. Live a little, and stop acting like me so much." He smiled brightly.

Sirius found that he really wasn't thinking straight and managed to utter out an intelligent, "Uh...sure. Okay then." It was true that James had been focused much more on obtaining Lily lately than playing pranks (although truth be told he wasn't sure what Lily would do to Prongs for the occurrence in the hallway earlier). It was just strange hearing Lupin try and persuade him to break school rules. Well, sod school rules. The Marauders would be at large again. And that made detention with Snape almost worth it.

Sirius happily paraphrased his friend's essay for about twenty minutes, trying to keep his mind from wandering too much. The idea of the Marauders finally being back to their old pranks was almost as good as the idea of cursing his brother into oblivion--though Sirius would be perfectly content with the former. He triumphantly slammed his essay on the table, and stood up.

"Come on, Moony--we've got to celebrate the end of this bloody essay. I think I'll borrow Prongs's invisibility cloak and sneak down to the kitchens and see how much the house elves want to give away--want anything?" The werewolf glanced up from his homework, and gave a shrug that Sirius interpreted to mean "whatever."

-

Sirius walked unnoticed through the halls, and towards the kitchens. Cake sounded extremely good...he'd have to see if there was any. Or pie. Or anything with fudge. His thoughts were stopped short, though, when he turned a corner. There were two hushed voices, and Sirius swore under his breath as he realized who it was.

His brother, Regulus Black was whispering excitedly to somebody who could only be Severus Snape. Fantastic, not only would they hex him, but his snotty nosed brother would run to the Slytherin head of house in five seconds flat, eager to prove to their mother that he was indeed the better son.

Under normal circumstances, Sirius would merely have done something like throw a vase at them and laugh while they tried to figure out where it had come from. As it was he was already toeing the line with a detention and ten points from Gryffindor, not to mention a future trip to the Forbidden Forest.

He crouched by the wall and held his breath to listen to the ensuing conversation. It was better to wait it out than going back to the Common Room without food. "Severus, you've got to be kidding me. My brother...and a half breed?"

Snape grinned. "He seemed positively terrified when I suggested the sheer idea earlier—it would obviously ruin his...shall we say, _reputation _among the female population here. I would have pushed him farther, but that stupid Mudblood showed up." There was a slight noise a few feet away, like footsteps, and Snape peered cautiously around the corner before he whispered something to Regulus that Sirius could not hear.

Regulus snorted, and glanced behind him before continuing. "I don't want to start a rumor like that _quite_ yet...but no one says we couldn't torment _him _about it."

Sirius fought with every ounce of strength he possessed not to curse the two of them right there. How much did Snape actually know? Before he could figure it out for himself, though, Snape and Regulus had turned around, and were quickly walking away from the spot where Sirius sat hidden.

He stood there after Snape and Regulus and slunk off, shaking with silent fury. Exactly what were they planning on doing to him? Sirius could handle taunts thrown his own way, his reputation throughout the school was strong enough that most charges would be dismissed as long as Sirius merely smiled and laughed at them.

Remus though...granted, the werewolf wasn't completely helpless, and he knew how to keep a calm demeanor. No, Sirius wasn't worried about Moony handling himself. Sirius was worried that if he had to witness the overgrown bat and his prat of a brother insulting his friend then he would eventually cause a hundred points from Gryffindor and a bruised pride.

Not to mention that Lupin would then know...Sirius punched the wall angrily, for once his life, completely spent of ideas. "I beg your pardon!" the apple in the portrait nearby exclaimed indignantly. Sirius muttered an apology and tickled the pear. Suddenly food was not his primary concern.


	2. Beating a Dead Horse

Disclaimer: These are so utterly pointless. But I don't own Harry Potter. 

Rated PG-13 for: More bad words and homosexual references and all that.

-

_Chapter Two: I'm Sorry, I Didn't Realize You Were Beating a Dead Horse_

_- _

Sirius dejectedly entered the common room, and took off the invisibility cloak. Lupin, the only other occupant, was reading a book by the fire. He glanced up, and set the book on a table. "No food, Padfoot? You were gone for long enough..."

Sirius made no reply, and sank into an armchair next to the werewolf. "Moony, I'm really sorry...Flitwick was in the hallway, and I couldn't get anything." Sirius combed his hair back with his fingers, wondering how much he should tell Remus. The werewolf had a right to know what his git of a brother might be planning, but too much information would be...too much to handle.

Lupin looked over sympathetically, but it was a moment or two before he said anything. "Padfoot, are you _sure_ that there's not something else? You seem a bit more upset about unfortunately appearing professors than usual."

"Yeah, I'm sure Moony. I'm going to bed, see you tomorrow." Sirius made a move to stand up, but Lupin grabbed his arm. "Let go of me," he said without much conviction.

"Sirius, what's wrong with you?" Lupin demanded, staring at him. Sirius did his best to avoid Remus's eyes, but eventually gave up. "You've been getting so worked up over everything lately, and I've been friends with you long enough to know when you're lying to me. So stop insulting me and tell me the truth, or have the decency to tell James and don't talk to me about Flitwick showing up in the halls."

He slumped. "Moony, I just didn't want you to know...I mean...I'm not trying to insult you, I just...I just wanted to protect you. Stupid of me, I suppose." He sank back into the armchair. "I know I shouldn't let Snivellus get on my nerves as much as he does, it's just, he's such a _bastard_, you know?" Sirius pinched the bridge of his nose tiredly.

Lupin let go of Sirius, but his gaze remained steady. "You _don't_ need to protect me, Sirius. You and I both know that. I want to know what's going on, and I'd rather find out from you instead of a mutilated version from Wormtail."

Sirius looked away, unable to meet the werewolf's eyes any longer. Remus was obviously serious—he rarely addressed Sirius by his true name. He wanted to tell Lupin everything, but human rationality prevented him from doing so. The time just wasn't right. "Moony, I just need time to work this out...give me a day or two to sort this out, _please_ Moony. If I don't tell you by Saturday night, you can nick some Veritaserum and force me to drink it."

Lupin narrowed his eyes, but nodded. "All right. I want to go into the Forest on Saturday, so you'd better tell me then, or I'll get some Slytherin to curse it out of you." Sirius nodded in acknowledgement, and turned to go upstairs.

"Oh, and Sirius?" He stopped halfway up the stairs and turned to face Lupin. "Thanks for defending me in the hallway earlier. Although I didn't think the idea of a romantic tryst with me would be so offensive." Remus grinned at the stunned look that crossed Sirius's face and turned back to the book in his lap. "Good night then."

"...Night," Sirius echoed, and climbed the rest of the stairs. He entered the dormitory and trudged towards his own four poster. "That's funny...I don't remember drawing the curtains," he mumbled to himself, and tugged them open. "BLOODY HELL!" Sirius fell backwards.

James Potter laughed hysterically, and struggled into a sitting position. "Nice night, isn't it?" he commented with a smile. "I was wondering when you'd finally get back to the room, you great dog. I have wonderful news!"

Sirius was still reeling from the shock—of both Lupin's last comment, and James. "Bloody hell, Prongs, you're going to give me a heart attack! What's the bloody news?"

James was still laughing—actually, he was on the verge of turning a lovely shade of purple, he was laughing so hard. Obviously the news really _was_ wonderful...either that, or James had found a barrel or two of some mulled mead somewhere. James continued to grin. "Guess!" Sirius made no reply; he simply stared in stunned silence. "Oh, I'll tell you anyway. I ASKED HER!!! She said YES!!!"

"So she does stuff her robes with toilet paper to look more womanly?" Sirius asked, raising an eyebrow.

James growled and swiped at him. "Don't insult my _girlfriend _Padfoot, or I'll have your head." He sighed, resting his chin in his hands. "My _girlfriend_. Lily Evans is my _girlfriend_."

"Yes, I think we've established that, Prongs. Now would you mind getting off my bed lest Wormtail and Moony think that your _girlfriend_ is a clever disguise?" James shook his head, but climbed off the bed anyway.

"Sirius, I sympathize with you, I really do. We'll have to find you a girl, now won't we?" He slapped Sirius on the back, his face still lit up. "Tomorrow, I'll start on a crusade, maybe Lily could set you up with one of her friends, a girl from Ravenclaw perhaps, you've already snogged all there's to be offered from Gryffindor..." James continued to ramble, as he climbed into his own bed. "Why are you laughing at me, Padfoot? I won't be the only Marauder with a girlfriend, I can't be."

Sirius forced a smile, and climbed into bed. "Oh, it's not so much that I don't _have_ a girlfriend...my numerous mistresses must count for _something_...but I don't really _need_ a girl. I've got someone in mind, though—but no one from Ravenclaw, mind you."

James snickered. "So your excuse about being up in the Astronomy Tower was actually true? Tsk, tsk, Padfoot—you _are_ a ladies man!" Sirius took the opportunity to throw a pillow at James, who was writing "LE+JP" in shimmering gold letters with his wand as he talked. "Hey!" sputtered James, whose writing quickly became "LE+JP" followed by a rather distorted circle.

The pillow came flying back, but Sirius blocked it, and it dropped to the floor. "By the way, Prongs, your _girlfriend_ gave me a _detention_ earlier today for trying to hex Snivelly. Surely you could do something about that?"

"She did _what_?" James asked, erasing his ruined lettering with the wave of a wand. "She gave you a _detention_?" He glanced over, and Sirius gave the affirmative nod of a head. Maybe having Prongs date Lily wasn't such a bad idea after all. "Oh, well, I'm sure she know what she's doing, you probably deserved it, Padfoot. Lily's not Head Girl for nothing." Or maybe it was.

James fell back into the clouds, and started constructing a heart in the air. "Some friend you are, Prongs. Saying that your best friend through thick and thin deserved a detention. You know that if some Head Girl forced us to spend the night with Filch and Snape every time we broke the rules, the two of us would have run off and become pirates or something by now."

The heart shimmered, half made, as James promptly dropped his wand. "You have to spend the night with _Filch_? And _Snivellus_?" A look of utmost repulsion crossed his face. "Nobody deserves _that_ kind of torture, Sirius. I'll talk to Lily tomorrow."

Sirius laughed. "Thanks, mate. I owe you one." He rolled over and shut his eyes, thankful to finally be able to get some sleep—or at least, turn his thoughts back to Lupin. Had the werewolf actually said that a romantic tryst _wouldn't_ be offensive? He was so unsure of where he and Lupin stood...there were too many shades of gray in an issue that needed to be black and white. He tried to sort his thoughts out, but he was too tired—a wave of sleep rolled over him, and he was out as quickly as if he'd been hit by a Bludger.

A few minutes later, Remus Lupin climbed the stairs. He paused by Sirius's bed, wondering if his friend was awake. Lupin still wanted answers, but now was not the time. He was about to climb into his own bed, when he noticed a faint shimmering light from James's bed. He strained to make out the letters, and laughed softly to himself—obviously Hector had delivered James's poem earlier. People were such prats about love.

-

The next morning at breakfast, James was positively glowing. Peter looked at Sirius and Lupin for answers as James sat next to Lily, and presented her with a flower. The three groaned, and Sirius resisted the urge to taunt his ticket to getting out of detention. Before he even had the chance to make a comment about the two of them, though, the owl post came. A large white owl Sirius had never seen before landed in front of him, and nearly knocked over a bowl of fruit. Sirius took the letter, and his eyes widened as he read.

He got through the letter and crumpled in his fist furiously. "Stupid git...there's no way he can...I'll have his head, I will..." Sirius muttered to himself.

"Something the matter, Padfoot?" James asked, as he ate his scrambled eggs. "Who's the mail from? Another post from your mother spouting off about Pureblood pride?"

"I wish," Sirius growled. He set the letter on fire, and watched as it crumbled away to ashes. "It's from my stupid brother. Can't be seen talking face to face with me otherwise his reputation might be tarnished." He huffed angrily, and swept the ashes off the table.

"So…what did it say?" asked Lupin, the cinnamon roll on his plate temporarily forgotten. A letter from Regulus usually didn't get such a rise out of Sirius—it was usually Pureblood propaganda from their mother, and often good for a laugh or two (especially the slogans such as "Pureblood Power!" and "Pure is Pretty!").

Sirius chewed his bottom lip, and glanced at the ashes on the floor. "It's too…complicated…to explain. I need to talk to the stupid prat, or at least Snivellus. The little bastard's making up lovely little rumors now." He took a drink of pumpkin juice, and glanced over at James. "Forget about canceling my detention, mate—I'm going to talk to the greasy git tonight."

James nodded, but it was obvious he hadn't really heard. He was too focused on Lily, who was laughing in a way Sirius had never seen her laugh before. They were so _cute_ together, it was almost nauseating. He turned back to Lupin, and tried to think of something to say—but all he could think of was the letter.

"Moony…could I borrow a quill?" asked Sirius rather loudly, as if to distract from the nauseating scene to the right. Lupin gave it to him, and Sirius tore off a scrap of parchment. Lupin saw only the words "_Shove off,_" before the parchment was inserted to the envelope from earlier. Sirius summoned the ashes off of the floor, and poured them into the envelope as well. "Can I borrow Hector? I want to send this as soon as possible."

"Of course you can," Lupin replied, seeming rather ignorant of the lovey dovey scene taking place in from of him, or doing a tasteful job of choosing not to acknowledge it. "Just as long as you're sure he'll be all right." Sirius put a hand over his heart. "And," he added more softly, "if you'll tell me what this is really about."

"Later," Sirius murmured back. "After my detention with Snivellus tonight. I should have enough answers by then. If not, I have until our trip to the Forbidden Forest." He turned to make sure nobody was listening. James and Lily were still quite absorbed in each other, but Peter was eyeing them with what might have been curiosity. "On Saturday," he promised, and excused himself from the table.

Lupin turned to Peter, feigning a smile. "So Peter, have you finally caught up on all your essays?" He didn't particularly (and not without guilt) listen to his friend's response, too busy on pondering exactly what was going on with Sirius. Regulus had done something to get under his skin, there was no doubt about that, but exactly what that was, Remus couldn't imagine. Sighing, he zoned back in just as Peter was saying, "...you know, an 'Acceptable' really wouldn't be so bad, but he keeps insisting that I get at least an 'Exceeds Expectations'..."

"Don't worry too much, I'm sure your essays are fine," replied the werewolf. "You might not get an E, but your essays are getting better." Peter's face fell slightly at the suggestion that he might have to live with an A, but Lupin didn't notice, thanks to the fact that he was picking at his food again.

"Well, I know I probably won't get an E, but...I don't know..." he trailed off. "What's with you lately? I know helping me with homework isn't the most exciting thing, but you could at least show some interest. You helped Padfoot all night yesterday..." Peter made a variety of noises in an attempt to regain his friend's attention, and finally resorted to flicking a grape at the werewolf.

Lupin looked up, mildly surprised, and turned slightly red before answering. "I'm sorry...I know I haven't been as helpful lately, but Sirius has a lot of problems right now, and I need to help him sort them out." Lupin wanted an excuse to leave, and Peter wasn't giving any clarity on the Sirius issue. He excused himself from the table, claiming that he needed to ask Flitwick about an assignment, and left the hall.

"Well, what was that?" James asked, turning away from Lily. "Where have Sirius and Remus gone?" He looked at the half-finished breakfasts with curiosity.

Peter shrugged. "Sirius ran off to threaten his brother, and Remus ran off because he has Charms homework, I guess. Although I dunno why he would have to ask Flitwick about an assignment, he gets O's on all of the essays." Peter reached over and grabbed a biscuit from Lupin's plate.

Lily scowled, her eyebrows furrowing. "You know, there's no shame in wanting to earn 'Outstandings' on your O.W.L.s," she said. "Asking a teacher about something is the way you learn, and the more you learn, the more you'll know, and the more you know, the better you'll do on the tests. So don't be insulting poor Remus for wanting to earn high marks, just because the rest of you slack off in classes." Peter opened his mouth indignantly, but wasn't able to squeeze a protest out. "James, don't look at me like that. I know you never study for Charms." She stood up, flipping her hair over her shoulder. "I'll see you in Defense Against the Dark Arts," she snapped, and strode from the hall.

Peter and James gawked at each other for a few moments, in an attempt to process what had happened. James blinked, took a slow drink of pumpkin juice, and blinked again. "Our first fight!" he exclaimed gleefully. "I need to make it up to her now...d'you think candy would be good? Or flowers? Let's go now!"

Peter stared back in shock--James was excited about the fight? Love was strange...The best reply he could come up with was a nod, but it seemed to satisfy the lovesick boy, and he looked at his breakfast longingly as James dragged him out of the Great Hall.

-

Sirius entered the owlery, still shaking with anger. Regulus wouldn't...he couldn't! Sirius found one of the school owls, and tied the message (in all of its two worded glory) to the barn owl's leg. He had decided not to use Hector, since it might...encourage...Regulus's current beliefs. A slightly moist owl pellet fell from the rafters, and nearly fell on Sirius's head. He stomped on it, imagining it to be Snape. Bloody Slytherins.

Did they all have to be dirty slimeballs? Didn't anybody ever make it into Slytherin who wanted to help poor children in other countries? Probably not, only Purebloods ever secured a spot in that house, all the halfway decent people were sent off to Hufflepuff. He knew that they were supposed to be cunning and sly, but how was that a GOOD thing when they used to it blackmail members of their own family?

"Regulus, you bloody prat," he muttered, and shuffled out of the Owlery. As he wandered down the halls towards Defense Against the Dark Arts, he did his best to ignore any and all stares he was receiving from various girls. Normally he would stop and flirt, winking and grinning, but he really wasn't at the top of his game. This plan was ruined, however, when he was intercepted by Angelique Burrows, a beautiful Gryffindor in his grade. Once upon a time, Sirius had snogged her at the top of the Astronomy Tower and she had yet to leave him alone. "Hello Angelique," he said despairingly. "I have to get to class."

Her blue eyes widened. Sirius wished the makeup to crack and leave her huge rashes. "You? Get to class? Sirius, darling --" he cringed "-- why don't you ever want to talk to me anymore?" Her lower lip jutted out, and her eyelashes fluttered. A few years ago, Sirius would have gone crazy from such attention. Now he was just irritated about being late to class. "Don't look at me like that! You're such a good boy now. Just skip class this once, and tell them you got sick on the way."

"I think I will get sick if I stay near you," he muttered to himself, before attempting a weak (though still devastatingly charming) smile. "Sorry, darling, but Potter's gotten himself a girlfriend now, and I don't want to miss him making a fool out of himself over her." Without saying anymore, he pushed past Angelique. He had actually insulted her--in a passive-aggressive sense. Angelique's second choice had always been James--who was now, unfortunately, off limits.

Sirius entered the Defense Against the Dark Arts room, and glanced around. James and Lily were seated next to each other, with a rather large box of chocolate frogs James had gotten from who-knew-where in front of Lily. A few tables to the right was Lupin, with an empty spot next to him. Sirius sucked in a deep breath, walked over, and set down his books. "Hullo, Moony."

"Hi, Padfoot," returned the werewolf, as he laid his wand on the table. "Did Hector get the letter off all right?"

Oh hell. What was he supposed to say? "Well you see Remus, the thing is that I am madly in love with you, Snivellus thinks he found me out, and if I use your owl then I'll never hear the end of it." Yeah, he was sure that would go over well. "Actually, uh, he wasn't up in the Owlery so I just decided to use one of the school owls," Sirius said, sitting down. "That's all right, though. If Regulus recognized your bird he would probably mangle it or something."

Lupin accepted the missing owl situation without question, and Sirius let out an inward sigh of relief. "I don't understand it, Sirius. Are you sure you're not adopted?"

Sirius grimaced. "Too sure, unfortunately. My parents were only too eager to constantly remind me my first ten years of life that I had to carry on a Black tradition, that I was the eldest son, the end of the line, I had to make the family proud." He made fake gagging motions. "And now look at me. The perfect picture of everything they hate. A rule breaker, a Gryffindor, the friend of a...er...Peter." He glanced around to make sure that nobody had been listening in on their conversation. "Anyway, they've never forgiven me for being different. I'll change my last name to Potter one of these days, that'll get them worked up."

Remus Lupin chuckled. "I don't think changing your name to Potter would bother them enough, though. Evans would probably get you killed and Pettigrew just wouldn't work..." Sirius sucked in his breath, bracing himself for what was an almost inevitable response. "You'd really get them mad if you changed it to Lupin, you know." The werewolf grinned, and glanced back as the professor walked in.

Sirius was noticeably a few shades paler--had his friend meant for his last comment to hit home so well? It was almost as if Lupin was...different...over the past week or so. Was he implying...? No. Sirius stopped himself, afraid of letting himself get too deep into his thoughts Nonetheless, he was thankful he was spared from having to respond to Lupin as Professor Claddins moved to the front of the room.

"Class, today we are going to be reviewing a few counter-curses that will probably show up on your N.E.W.T.s. If anyone requires additional help, I will be..." Sirius stole a glance at Lupin, who was calmly preparing to take notes, looking as if he hadn't said anything strange.

Well he really hadn't...after all it was simply the next logical step, wasn't it? And if there was something the Remus was, it was logical. But still...he could have just agreed with Sirius, changing his last name to Potter would get it parents worked up, although admittedly not as much as Lupin. Especially if his last name was changed under certain circumstances...

Sirius promptly slammed his hand in his textbook to stop such a line of thought and hissed curse words at his desk. "Padfoot, what are you doing?" Lupin murmured out of the corner of his mouth. "If you're not careful the professor is going to pull you in front of the class as an example for not listening."

"Mr. Black, would you care to demonstrate?" Sirius felt his heart stop tap dancing. He looked nervously over at Lupin who mouthed 'disarming'. Immediately, he didn't feel quite so shaky. Expelliarmus. That was an easy one, they had learned it ages ago. He grinned, but Lupin shook his head. Oh hell...advanced disarming? He had never pulled that off once in his entire career at Hogwarts. "Mr. Black, we are waiting."

Bloody, bloody, bloody, bloody HELL! He hated advanced disarming almost as much as he hated Snape. In theory, it was simple enough, but in real life it was exceedingly difficult. It could be done in two ways: either you had to construct a fairly powerful shield charm to protect yourself from other curses (and maintain it while disarming), or in the case that an opponent also constructed a shield, you had to create a stronger one of your own to keep from disarming yourself, and hope that your shield lasted longer than theirs did. Both ways were far easier said than done.

At a lack for any bright excuses, Sirius approached the front of the room, wondering whom he would be disarming. Before he could utter the question, though, James was already standing up. "...be glad to help, Professor," he finished, stopping a few yards opposite Sirius, and raised his wand.

Sirius took a deep breath, and stole a glance at Remus, who smiled encouragingly. His reflexes snapped his attention back, though, when James uttered a spell under his breath. "Protego!" exclaimed Sirius, focusing on strengthening the shield. When he felt as if it was solid enough, he looked across at James. Apparently whatever jinx had been sent at Sirius had rebounded, forcing James to hastily construct a shield of his own. Without any more hesitation, Sirius raised his wand and yelled, "Expelliarmus!"

James's shield shattered, and he fell backwards, as his wand soared through the air. Sirius caught it, grinning boldly at his classmates applause, and then at a surprised Professor Claddins. He helped James to his feet, and returned his wand. So he could do advanced disarming after all. He mentally chalked up another 'Outstanding' N.E.W.T. James clapped him on the back, and he turned to face Lupin as they sat down. "Brilliant idea, Remus!" he whispered, as the professor called up Lily to demonstrate a Patronus.

"What idea?" Sirius murmured out of the corner of his mouth, as the professor got ready to attempt a Shadow Hex, the closest thing to a Dementor. "What idea did you have?"

"A Shadow Hex?" Lupin muttered under his breath. "I would have used a boggart." Sirius prodded him sharply with his quill. "Ouch, Padfoot! That hurt." He rubbed his arm angrily, and watched as Lily performed a nearly perfect Patronus (in the form of a cat) until Sirius got ready to jab him with the quill again. "I had James just pretend like he was preventing your attack--weak shields and all--, so that the professor couldn't try and humiliate you like he's been trying to do all year." Sirius's previous feelings of jubilation began to disappear. He couldn't even perform advanced disarming without a friend to help? How was he ever going to pass the N.E.W.T.s? "Buck up Padfoot, I'm fairly certain that even if James had really tried he would have been disarmed anyway. If it makes you feel better, I'll let you throw it at me a few times after class."

"No thanks..." muttered Sirius, still mulling over the disarming. His only bit of hope was the werewolf's comment that he probably would have been able to disarm James--Lupin never lied about things like that--and that his last attempt was definitely one of his better tries. Nonetheless, it was aggravating to some extent that Lupin seemed to feel the need to protect him. But why?

Sirius's thoughts were disrupted, though, when Lupin got out of his seat to demonstrate a particularly difficult Mirror Curse--one that would duplicate an opponent's spell and sent it back at them. It worked fairly well, though the mirrored jinx hit the desk and not the professor. Sirius felt a twinge of happiness at the fact that even Moony wasn't perfect, and he knew he couldn't stay mad at the werewolf for long, and even managed a "Nice one, Moony!" as he returned to his seat.

The rest of the class continued without much excitement, except for Peter's setting a bookshelf on fire. There was thankfully no homework, and Sirius left the class in a somewhat better mood. He walked down the hall with James and Lupin (Peter was in the hospital wing for a burn on his hand), not sure whether he should ask about how much "help" he had been given for his disarming attempt.

He didn't have to give a prompt, however, as James was talking a hundred miles a minute. "Damn, Padfoot, have you ever heard of going easy?" he asked. "I've had a headache for the past hour. Remus, were you pulling my leg when you said that Sirius needed help with advanced disarming?" Before Lupin could respond however, he was already off on another topic. Sirius smiled. Problem solved.


	3. Wax On, Wax Off

Disclaimer: Blah, blah, blah… 

Author's Note: Haha, this is the beginning of Sirius angsting a little more than is healthy for a teenage boy. Don't worry, he'll figure it out eventually. Sorry about the wait, but the website was protesting every time I tried to upload the document. I'll try to expedite the next chapter a little sooner.

-

_Chapter Three: Wax On, Wax Off_

-

After dinner that night, Sirius lingered in the common room for as long as possible. Spending the evening with Filch was bad enough, but the mere fact that Snivellus would be there was enough to make his stomach turn. Not to mention the fact that he would have to hotly defend himself, and make sure the bat and Regulus knew that when you threatened Sirius's friends, you would pay the consequences.

Finally, he took a deep breath and started for the portrait hole. "Wait, Sirius!" Lupin waved from the stairs that led up to the boy's dormitories and jogged over to him. "I know that you really don't want to do this, and you only started that fight to protect Lily, I feel like I should go with you. Here are some sweets though, if you can eat them when Snape and Filch aren't looking." Sirius accepted the bag, which appeared to be especially full of chocolate frogs. "Good luck," he said, and hugged Sirius around the neck briefly, before pulling back.

"Thanks..." Sirius inclined his head slightly as well, faintly shocked from the hug. It was unexpected, but certainly not unwelcome. He recovered after a moment, though, and flashed a famous smile at the werewolf. "See ya later, Moony!" He turned and exited the common room, and hid the bag of sweets in his robes.

He walked through the corridors towards Filch's office, wondering vaguely what the detention would be. With any luck it would be cleaning, since it was by far the easiest--well, as long as it didn't involve scrubbing down the dungeons. Sirius tried to ignore the nervousness that filled his stomach, like hundreds of bats flying around. Bloody bats...especially big greasy ones who knew too much. He still wasn't sure about what to say. Should he just outright deny what the letter said? He didn't think that the greasy prat and his git of a brother actually knew what the letter had said was true, but it still posed certain...problems. Lupin didn't need to get involved in it, but the werewolf was inescapably tied in--whether he liked it or not. Maybe he should just...

Sirius's thoughts ceased, though, when he reached the door to Filch's office. He knocked once, and opened the door. "Ah, Mr. Black," observed Filch as he glared at Sirius. "So nice of you to join us." Snape was already there, and he narrowed his eyes and sneered as Sirius entered the room. He glared back, and nearly crushed one of the chocolate frogs in his pocket. The silent duel was brought to an end as Filch rose from his desk. "Come on, you two troublemakers. Follow me."

Filch led them out through the front doors and down the stone walk. Sirius surveyed all possible paths, wondering just where they were going to have to go. Certainly not the Forbidden Forest, that was off limits, even for detentions. Going to Hagrid's hut didn't make much sense, but then neither did the lake. Unless Dumbledore had finally snapped and wanted Snape and Sirius to give the Giant Squid a bath. For Merlin's sake, it lived in a lake. Even Dumbledore wasn't that crazy.

"Here we are boys," said Filch, his words cutting through Sirius's thoughts. Snape let out an unpleasant snort. "I believe you two have your work cut out for you." Sirius scuffed the ground, and noticed exactly why Snape had sounded so unenthusiastic. "Clean out the stands without the use of magic, and clean the pitch."

Out any imaginable situation, Sirius had never thought that he would have to be the one to clean out the Quidditch field before the next game. It would take hours. "How long do we have to do this for?" he asked, thoughts of homework suddenly looming in his mind. "I mean, there's a time limit, right? Like, midnight?"

A sort of snort escaped from Filch's mouth—it might have been laughter, but no one could be sure—and she shook his head. "Oh, that was a lovely joke, Mr. Black. You'll be here until it's _all_ cleaned, and I don't care if the two of you are still scrubbing while the sun rises! I'll be back to make sure you're working every half hour or so." He brought a few buckets out from under the stands, and plopped them down in front of the flabbergasted boys.

Sirius glanced at Snape for a reaction, and got one. The same look of disbelief was all over his face as well, and he blinked a few times. "Well…I guess we should get started," mumbled Sirius to the retreating back of Filch, as he scratched his head. The task was possible, but ludicrous nonetheless. As Snape picked up a bucket, a wave of doubt engulfed Sirius. He still had to confront the stupid git about the letter…but how exactly? The rage that had filled him earlier had dispersed a bit since then.

The two boys climbed up the stands, not speaking. Dirty looks were exchanged, but the cleaning went on in silence up until Filch's first check-in, and a few minutes after. Sirius's fingers were getting pruny from the water, and it was getting cold. He slipped on a wet spot, and his knee hit the ground with a crack.

"You're pathetic…you can't even _clean_ without falling down!" laughed Snape as Sirius rubbed his knee. Before Sirius could get a word in, Snape spoke again. "So, Black, get any good mail lately?"

"Define good mail," Sirius growled. "I've gotten mail, but not any that I would classify as actually worth reading." He scrubbed furiously at a large green stain, trying to ignore Snape and the sneer that was set on his face.

"All of a sudden developing work ethic, are we?" Severus Snape leaned casually against one of the nearby railings. "Regulus said you would talk things out with me tonight. So here I am, what pearls of wisdom do you have to entice me with today?" The sneer became more pronounced. "That I shouldn't pick on upstanding citizens such as yourself, or I shouldn't tell the truth?"

A wet cloth collided with the side of his face, producing large smacking sound. Sirius looked up from where he had previously been cleaning. "Oops. It seems I've dropped my cloth. Would you mind handing it back?" Snape bent down and picked the dirty rag up, balancing it in his hand. The two boys stood, glaring at each other with loathing. "If Filch catches you slacking off on detention you might become intimate with those handcuffs. Give me the cloth back."

Snape threw it back in such a way that only Sirius's quick reflexes kept the cloth from falling over a rail. "My, my, my...you certainly are a bit touchy about the subject. And handcuffs? I don't quite remember that part, but I'm sure Regulus had a good reason for including it." He looked back at the castle for any signs of Filch, and pushed a greasy strand out of his face. The expression said it all--he looked like a hunter, waiting to see if Sirius would rise to the bait.

The two boys entered another glaring match, knowing that several curses would have come into play by then if it weren't for the fact that they were in detention. Actually, detentions were the only places that the two boys weren't attempting to hex each other into dust--all the professors thought they would have learned by then, but nothing ever changed.

"Come off it, Snivelly. You only wish it was the truth because only a story as improbable as that would get you some attention," Sirius remarked, carefully keeping a straight face, knowing he couldn't let any emotions betray him now. "I must admit, though, it's quite touching to see you taking orders from fifth-years."

Snape turned an odd color that Sirius could have sworn was red from embarrassment, but he had thought that Snivellus could only be two colors. Pale and paler. His teeth bared at Sirius, as his face continued to become a deeper shade. "Taking...orders...? I don't take orders from anyone."

"Which is why you listened to Filch and started cleaning, right?" Sirius asked triumphantly. He was gaining the upper hand; Snape was getting too angry to think properly. Now if only he could hold onto it without making an idiot of himself... "It's called thinking for yourself, Snivells, not listening to the biggest bully on the playground."

"And of course, Sirius Black follows his own will and never listens to the almighty James Potter, or his half-breed boyfriend, not Sirius Black." Snape was smirking at the look on Sirius's face. He was going kill Severus Snape; he would murder him in his sleep and take indecent photos, and post them all over the school. To hell with detention, he was not going to get away with his slander, not this time

Sirius clutched the rag tighter in an attempt to control his anger. He knew he couldn't do anything now--especially since Filch would probably come back to check on them soon. He would get his revenge later. His fingernails cut into his skin, and a small cut appeared on his palm. He swore as he dropped the rag, and glanced up at Snape. "Shut up, Snape. You well know that you were Lucius's little lapdog when he was here--so sure he wasn't your boyfriend? You know, it wouldn't surprise me if you joined the Dark supporters once you get out of here--you could probably take orders all day with them."

Snape returned somewhat to his normal color, but fury blazed behind his eyes. He stepped forward, his hand moving towards the pocket of his robes. He checked himself, though, and gritted his teeth, speechless for once.

Sirius smiled triumphantly, knowing he was back on top. The bloody bat was still going to pay, though. His comment had obviously stung, and the words formed a poisonous combination. That one was for you, Moony.

_-_

"Goblin dung," Sirius muttered wearily to the portrait, and stumbled into the common room. It was well past midnight, but he was too tired to work on Transfigurations, no matter what McGonagall would do to him. Heading for the staircase up to the boys' dormitory he spotted a stationary figure curled up in one of the armchairs. Lupin's favorite armchair. "Oy, Moony, wake up," he whispered, shaking the werewolf.

Lupin blinked awake and smiled through a yawn. "How was detention? Was Snape a total prick?"

Sirius nodded. "We had to clean the Quidditch stadium without magic, and then the prat wouldn't stop pestering me until I basically threatened to blackmail him, and then he stayed quiet." Sirius grinned. "We also cleaned the pitch with magic, and got Filch good and worked up. I pointed out he said the stands without magic, and the pitch, so he let us go. Marauders: one, Bad guys: zero."

Lupin chuckled, though he was still recovering from the effects of sleep. "Excellent...Filch is going to be livid about that tomorrow, I'll bet." He pulled himself into more of a sitting position, and sighed. "It's too bad full moon was only last week--it's the only time we're able to have fun anymore."

Sirius nodded, and perched on the armrest. Full moons were always fun, at least, after Lupin got over the initial transformation. "Yeah...seventh year is brutal." The reply didn't quite make sense, but it was the most coherent thing Sirius could muster. With any luck, the Forbidden Forest trip would lead to some kind of fun--not just homework. Maybe even—

"Hey Padfoot--did you eat all those chocolate frogs? Or are there any left?" Lupin looked up expectantly, unaware that he had stopped Sirius from getting too far into his thoughts. Again.

"Oh, yeah, here," he distractedly pulled the one remaining chocolate frog from his pocket. Lupin took it, opened the wrapper and thoughtfully looked at the card before handing it over to Sirius. He took it and put it in his robe pocket. "Thanks for staying up for me."

Remus shrugged, and shoved the chocolate into his mouth. For all his refinement, he always became an animal when concerning chocolate. Sirius smiled at the memory of Lupin receiving three giant chocolate bars on Christmas, and the consequent stomachache he'd had that night and then all the next day. "It was my fault too, I had to do something. Let's go to bed." His hand rested on Sirius's arm as he spoke; an action that could take place a hundred times throughout the course of the day.

"Sure. Good idea." He was silent as he followed his friend up the stairs, his thoughts racing. For the time being he had the upper hand on Snape and his brother, they wouldn't dare try anything for a few days until they were able to make him do something rash. James was being a bit of a prat, but Sirius guessed that after a few weeks the novelty would start to wear off and he would realize that he had suddenly abandoned his friends. As for Remus...well, Sirius really wasn't sure. With James it was easy, all Sirius had to do was glance at those hazel eyes behind thin frames and know exactly what emotion he was experiencing. Lupin's face was a mystery. Secrets and riddles lay behind his eyes, but Sirius had no idea how he was supposed to get through to that. He'd thought that after all the time he'd spent staring at it, the face would be easier to figure out, but he had finally determined it was a lost cause.

The two went towards their respective beds, the silence only interrupted by a muffled "...you too, Lily," from James's bed. Sirius set the bag of chocolate on his nightstand, and stole a quick glance at Lupin. What had he been staying up for? The reality of the situation hit Sirius like a sledgehammer to the gut--he had secrets of his own, and he was supposed to confess them during the Forbidden Forest trip. Blackmail, lies, and uncertainty; the thoughts fell over him like a shadow. Lupin didn't deserve to have to deal with things like that, and it was the primary reason Sirius had always neglected to say anything before. Nonetheless, he knew he could trust Lupin--but how much did the werewolf want to know?

On the other side of Sirius, the sheets rustled as Lupin climbed in. A soft "G'night," was whispered, which Sirius echoed. He climbed on his bed, and pulled his knees to his chest. The ecstasy of shutting Snape up was wearing off, but it was still enough to keep him awake. Reaching over to his nightstand, he picked up a chocolate frog, tore off the wrapper, and shoved it into his mouth. Bloody emotions.

-

Pale sunlight crept into the room, and its occupants began to stir. The only sign that it was a weekend was the fact that noises were generally more muted, and there were no spells going off in a last minute homework attempt. Sirius opened his eyes fractionally, and looked around the room.

The curtains around James's four poster were thrown wide open, and Sirius could hear snippets of his marginally good voice drifting from the bathroom. Peter's curtains were still drawn tightly shut, as he always slept in as late as possible on the weekends. Lupin's were open about halfway to let in sunlight, and he was contently reading a book on his stomach, elbows propped up on the mattress. Sirius was the only who never bothered to close his curtains when he went to sleep; he had never liked the suffocating environment that it caused.

He sat up slowly, stretching his arms above his head, yawning loudly. "What do you say to some early morning mischief? Attacking James in the shower, maybe? Record his voice and threaten to send it to Lily? Or maybe we could just make it look like Peter's sucking his thumb in his sleep again."

A smile was creeping up Lupin's face, as he staunchly ignored Sirius, too caught up in his book to bother to respond. It had become second nature to Sirius to try and break Moony out of his concentration, and it was Lupin's to listen to Sirius but not respond. "It is a possibility, however, to post signs up all over the common room proclaiming that 'Remus Lupin laughs like a girl'."

Lupin snorted into his book, shook his head, and looked at Sirius. "I laugh like a girl? How exactly does one do that?" He shoved the chocolate frog card from the previous night into the book to mark his place, and sat up. "What about 'Sirius Black screams like a girl'? I seem to remember a certain potion burning your robes once, and a particularly high-pitched noise after it."

Sirius slid to the floor, and feigned anger until he couldn't suppress a smile any longer--which turned out to only be about four seconds. "You know, Moony, if I didn't like you so much, I'd curse you for saying that!" Lupin rolled his eyes, and climbed off of the bed. He left the book on it, though, the title of which Sirius didn't have a chance to read.

"So, do you want to go get breakfast or something? Or were you set on torturing Jam--oh, hey Prongs!" exclaimed the werewolf, his question cut off by the sudden return of James into the room.

"Good morning!" James said brightly, water dripping from his bangs, a damp towel wrapped firmly around his waist. He sighed, and looked at the sun streaming through the window. "It's is a good morning, isn't it? The sun is shining, I've just taken a shower, Moony and Padfoot have begun their strange mating ritual, and Lily Evans is my girlfriend." He breathed in deeply through his nose.

Sirius rolled his eyes. "Go stuff yourself," he retorted, while Lupin appeared to be hiding an odd grin.

James smiled at Sirius and batted his eyes. "Oh Sirius, why must you be such a dark spirit on such a glorious day?" He grabbed Lupin and did an impromptu waltz around the room. "Why, today is the first weekend that I don't have Head Boy duties. Today is the first chance we'll have all year to fulfill our names and create some mischief." His eyes narrowed gleefully. "So, what do you say to setting off a dung bomb in Snivelly's oatmeal?"

Lupin gracefully disentangled himself from James's grip, glad that the waltzing had stopped. "Sure, Prongs. I haven't done anything to properly disgrace myself for a while. Nothing too rash, though, if you don't mind...Padfoot and I are sneaking out to go to the Forbidden Forest tonight, but I suppose I'm up for nearly anything before that."

After recovering from Lupin's almost strange willingness to pull some sort of prank, Sirius shot a look at Lupin that seemed to ask why he had divulged their trip to James. Nonetheless, any potential problems quickly fixed themselves. "Tonight?" asked James, "But...tonight I was going to meet Lily in the Astr...oh. Bollocks." He stopped abruptly, realizing he had said too much. "I mean..."

Sirius rolled his eyes, and laughed. "Don't worry about it, Prongs. It's just for Moony's Herbology homework. At least, I think it is." He blushed slightly, but it went unnoticed as he regained his composure. "Have fun snogging your girlfriend tonight!"

James grinned brightly. "I will, thank you! Would you like me to send her your warmest regards?" He batted his eyes, and Sirius thought that it was unnatural, James and Lily's relationship. He should be blushing, not grinning like a stupid sod.

"Yes, tell her that I'll meet her there tomorrow night at seven," Sirius replied.

This comment managed to get James's face to go bright red. "You...snogging...Lily...in...the Astronomy...Tower?" Prongs stood there in shock for a moment, before his face contorted and he lunged for Sirius, tripping on his towel. He fell over, clinging to the towel tightly, and landed to what appeared a painful position, on his right elbow. "Padfoot, I'll hex you until you..." he trailed off, however, realizing his threat was ineffective, as Sirius was too busy crying with mirth. "Stupid dog," James muttered.

-

The three boys walked towards the Great Hall for breakfast—Peter was still sleeping, and by then they knew better than to wake him up. Nonetheless, they were kind enough to give him the lovely opportunity to wake up and see the room plastered with posters that proclaimed "Peter snogs Hippogriffs!"

Lupin burst into laughter again as Sirius did an impression of James tripping on the towel. James had come to accept that it was going to be the new joke for quite a while, and even chuckled when Sirius added dialogue to his stunt. It consisted of him glancing down as he fell, and exclaiming "MERLIN'S BEARD!!! I'm a _eunuch_???"

At that moment, Lily met them from another hall. As soon as James was in view, she began smoothing her hair, and tucked it behind her shoulders. "You're a _what_, Sirius?" She raised an eyebrow, and the look of confusion became even more prominent as Sirius jerked his thumb at James.

"Not me, dear Lily, James. James is a eunuch." He grinned at the look of protest that was spreading across James's face. Lily merely had an eyebrow raised, still slightly distasteful of Sirius, especially considering the situation outside the library the other night. "Lovely singing voice, though."

"And you would know this how?" she asked, looking more amused than disturbed, which is what Sirius had expected. Maybe this girl wasn't so bad after all. "Have you been peeking in the shower, Sirius?"

Now James and Lupin were laughing, along with Sirius, who realized that the joke was on him. "No, I'm afraid not. He chooses to showcase these things. I think he's a closet exhibitionist, you'd better watch out that you don't have an audience in the Astronomy Tower tonight."

The entire group burst into hysterics, and Lily turned a light shade of pink. James was not to be embarrassed, though, and he raised an eyebrow at Sirius. "I'm a closet exhibitionist? If that's the case, then you must be the owner of some sort of 'Gentleman's Club'..."

The conversation continued down the hall, each deciding what the secret life of the others were (It turned out that Lupin secretly sold "toys" to other students via the black-market). They entered the Great Hall, and found a few seats at the Gryffindor table. The teasing had died down, though, thanks to the strange looks they had gotten from a few Hufflepuffs on the way in.

Lily and James had started staring into each other's eyes again, so Sirius turned to Lupin. He piled his plate with a few strange looking green pastries, and took a bite. "So, Moony...what time do you want to leave tonight?"

Lupin purposefully ignored Sirius's taste in food and let his chin rest in his hands, staring at the ceiling as if the clouds drifting across it would give him an answer. "Well, after dinner, so nobody notices the disappearance, preferably after curfew, so nobody can say we left and didn't come back...better just to sneak out in the first place...of course it can't be too late because Patricia Wamps wakes up at four every morning to jog..." He tapped the fork in his hand against the table. "Eleven?"

"How long do you expect this expedition to take?" Sirius asked, having managed to polish off three pastries while Moony was thinking. "I mean, if we have to leave at eleven to be back before the Wamps takes her morning jog, then you're not talking about an Herbology project, you're talking about an Herbology quest."

"Always expect the unexpected, Padfoot. Has Professor Claddins taught you nothing this year?" Lupin smiled, and shook his head. "I'm expecting it won't take more than an hour or two, but the list of things that could go wrong is endless." He grabbed a pastry from Sirius's plate and took a bite. "Dear Lord, Black, these things are awful." He set the pastry back in its original position. "Besides, you're always up for a quest, aren't you?"

Sirius took a swig of pumpkin juice and shrugged. "I suppose…this better not be all homework, though, or I'll turn your ears into kumquats." He put on a mock-threatening face, and took another bite of his pastry. "Or perhaps kiwis...they seem a bit more your color, you know."

Lupin gave him a look of skepticism, before replying in a hushed voice, "By the way, you are supposed to explain some things to me. I'm not letting you get out of that, no matter how long it takes." He sneaked a glance at the other two, to make sure they hadn't overheard. The werewolf quickly turned back when he saw James feeding grapes to Lily, though, and took a sip of his own drink.

Sirius sighed, and knew that Lupin was serious...but why couldn't he skip explaining the blackmail and simply confess that he, well...Damn it, Sirius, you still can't completely admit it to yourself by now. The hard part was that it seemed that Lupin felt the same way, which meant there could be a future—which could cause problems later on. It almost would have been easier if Lupin had started avoiding him when he started implying what he had begun coming to terms with. But then again, he had never directly admitted how he felt about the werewolf to his face. There were too many uncertainties in a world that needed strict rules. "If only" was a hollow wish that would never have an outcome, so Sirius tried not to hope for things that had little chance of happening.

-


	4. Unecessary Angst

Disclaimer: It's still not mine. This is still not news to anybody. 

Author's Note: Sorry about the wait. School got to hectic for me to even read through the chapter for errors. However, it is now summer and this should mean that I get the next chapter out to you in a timely fashion as promised. Warning: Sirius is getting dangerously close to being a teenage girl here.

-

_Chapter Four: In Which Sirius Unnecessarily Angsts_

-

Sirius looked around him, and wondered if the common room was ever going to clear out, or if he would just have to run through the crowd, waving his wand madly and ultimately fill the room with smoke. The students of Gryffindor tower weren't strangers to strange purple fogs that would unexpectedly fill the common room, and knew enough to all sit around for a few minutes until the Marauders were sure to have made their spectacular exit.

"Just wait," Lupin kept saying. "James is leaving just before eleven, and we're following him out." Sirius grumbled again about James getting to stay out as late as he wanted on account of being Head Boy. "Well, he deserves a reward," Lupin said, and Sirius raised a skeptical eyebrow. "Even if said reward is snogging with Lily in the Astronomy Tower," a smile crept up his face.

James came bounding down the stairs, just as Sirius was about to bolt for the portrait hole yelling, "For freedom!" "Hello!" he greeted them brightly. "Are you ready for me to escort you to go discuss your Potions N.E.W.T.s with the Headmaster?" Both Sirius and Lupin responded with affirmative nods, and James graciously led them to the portrait hole, where he let his voice drop. "I checked the map," he murmured, handing it over. "You can throw the cloak on over by the statue of the Viktor the Vulgar, and exit through the tunnel next to the Hufflepuff dormitory."

"Thanks again!" offered Lupin. "Always knew you'd be great for this sort of thing as Head Boy, you know...makes it easier for you all to get out during full moon, too, I guess." He tucked a scrap of parchment into his robes, presumably with the instructions for the rare plants he needed for Herbology. This was bound to be much more interesting than hunting down with everyone else down around the lake the next day.

The three boys walked purposefully down the hall for a bit, but James soon broke off to go to the Astronomy Tower. Sirius resisted yelling remarks such as "Don't forget to wipe the lipstick later, Prongs!" mainly because he was still a bit nervous about the Forest. Still, it was nice to be up to some good old-fashioned sneaking-out-with-your-friends again. The last few times he'd sneaked out of the school had been by himself in an attempt to sort some of his thoughts out--something he could never admit doing to James, since it was much easier for everyone to imagine his numerous rendezvous with random girls.

Lupin and Sirius approached the statue, and Sirius removed the cloak from his robes. He threw it around the two of them, glad not to be alone under the cloak for once. They proceeded to the tunnel by the Hufflepuff dorm, and entered the dark passage.

The tunnel was notoriously long, but one of the Marauder's long standing favorites, as it was well worn, with no sudden steps to make you trip. They turned right and headed that way for awhile, breathing quietly, Sirius with the cloak tucked under his arm, and stopped at one of the portraits near the front of the school. "Just a minute. Let me check the situation," Lupin whispered, and positioned himself behind the eyeholes. After a moment, he turned and gave Sirius an affirmative thumbs up. Then he slid the portrait aside (after throwing the Invisibility Cloak back on) and carefully set it back into place.

Years of practice were put to work as Sirius and Lupin slipped out the front doors and ran towards the Forbidden Forest. Once hidden from view of Hagrid's hut, they pulled the cloak off and grinned at each other. "So, what exactly does this plant of yours look like?" Sirius asked.

Lupin lit his wand, and pulled the sheet of parchment from his robes. He read over it silently, and nodded a few times. "Look for a small blue budding flower with purple leaves," Lupin told him. "It should grow along the path, so we won't have to worry much about the other...things that are here."

"Great…" mumbled Sirius, scanning the ground as he lit his own wand. There was a lot of grass, and quite a few ferns that looked as if they were oozing blood. Hopefully a blue flower wouldn't be too hard to find—especially since Sirius wanted to get his explaining over and done with.

"They like water, too," offered Lupin as they proceeded farther into the forest. "So if it's not right along the path, it might be on the banks of any sort of stream. Then again, it might grow in the dung of a hippogriff, so you might want to watch where you step," added the werewolf, suppressing a chuckle at his bit about the dung.

"What?!" exclaimed Sirius, whirling around. "That's disg—" He stopped and sighed as Remus Lupin burst out laughing. "Moony, your jokes really need to get better…that was just _weird_! I assume the water part was true, though?" A nod from the werewolf confirmed his suspicions, and Sirius turned back around as they continued down the path.

Sirius squinted on the sides of the path, looking for random puddles, so he wouldn't have to wander too deep into the trees looking for a stream. Unfortunately, after about fifteen minutes of fruitless searching, Lupin pointed to his left. "I hear running water right over there. Let's go look." Sirius didn't want to appear too reluctant, so he only leaned back for a moment before following his friend into the tree line.

How the bloody hell could Lupin be so casual about this whole thing? Sirius narrowly dodged a tree, and tried his best to force a natural looking grin on his face. He noticed Lupin smiling back. Wait, what was that? Did Lupin's eyes just dart nervously around him? Sirius squinted, and noticed that, yes, Moony kept glancing over his back.

Barely able to conceal a grin, Sirius walked silently beside Lupin, watching as the werewolf got steadily more cautious. Finally, unable to hold it in, he jumped in the air and grabbed Lupin by the shoulders. "What's that?" he gasped. "I think I heard something, Moony, maybe we should get back on the path, I think there's something just over there, it's - BLOODY HELL!" Sirius threw himself to the ground, arms protectively over his head, and laughed quietly into the grass.

"What?! What is it! Sirius, are you oka--oh, please, Padfoot," groaned Lupin after he realized what Sirius had done. Sirius rolled over, laughing as if there wouldn't be a tomorrow. His grin could probably power a Muggle light bulb if he tried. Lupin only shook his head, a faint smile crossing his lips. "I suppose I should expect that by now...you never cease to surprise me, though." He extended a hand, and Sirius took it as he was pulled up.

"Thanks, Moony," he chuckled, but his laughter quickly stopped when he stumbled as he was pulled up. He lurched forward, but was saved from being reacquainted with the ground when Lupin caught him. Sirius felt his face turn red as he disentangled himself from the werewolf's arms. "Thanks for that, too." He felt his shoe squish in a muddy puddle as he stepped back, and pointed his wand on it as he glanced at the ground. Saved by a mere fraction of an inch from his shoe was a flower was purple leaves. He grinned as he bent down to pick it, and handed it to an astonished Remus Lupin.

The werewolf took the flower, and checked it against his Herbology notes to make sure it was the right one. "Wow...thanks!"

Sirius grinned. "Just call me...um...Sirius Black. You know, I thought that finding that plant would be a lot harder, considering we had to travel all the way out to the Forbidden Forest to get it." He looked at Moony carefully, ready to analyze his behavior.

Lupin shrugged, scribbling down things on his sheet of paper. "Well, if you weren't such a prat and so bloody clumsy, it might have taken us another hour to find." He stopped writing, looked up, and smiled. "Now we have ample time to discuss what you've been working so hard to hide from me."

Damn him. He had known it would hardly take them any time at all to find. He just wanted to draw Sirius's secrets out slowly and painfully. Sirius vaguely wondered when Lupin had become such a Marauder. "Well..." How was he supposed to start explaining this? How was he supposed to finish explaining this? How was he supposed to explain everything without really telling Lupin anything at all?

Sirius nervously pushed his hair out of his eyes, and chewed his lip. Explaining things was going to be hard, although it could be summed up in three words. But it wasn't time for that yet. It wouldn't be time for that for a quite a while (unless he found some very strong firewhisky first). There was no getting out of it, though. "Moony, can we go sit down somewhere? Please? This is going to take a while."

Lupin nodded. "Of course...this isn't a simple problem going on, is it?" Sirius made no reply, and they walked silently farther into the woods, stopping in a slightly less dense area a few minutes away. The light of the half moon illuminated a few rocks and a log, and Sirius collapsed onto the rotting wood. The werewolf gracefully seated himself next to Sirius, and looked into his eyes. "So what's going on? Why have you been so different lately?"

He tore his gaze away from those damned golden eyes, and studied the ground. "Don't do this to me, Moony, please...No, you're right. I owe you this." But where did he start? Things had started two years ago, but it would be easier to start with the letter. Maybe. "Snape and Regulus...were the ones who sent me the letter. It was..." He trailed off, unable to say the word "Blackmail." Once he said it, he knew the real explaining would follow. Lupin still watched him expectantly.

"Oh Merlin...how do I..." Sirius rubbed his face, and wished with all his might that he was talking about this to James. Good loyal James Potter – who might be a bit of a prat and was currently snogging Lily in the Astronomy Tower – but was a trustworthy friend. And one that Sirius wasn't in love with. Honestly, James's attraction to Lily Evans was really quite disgusting. "That's it!" he sat up, and turned to Lupin. "You know how we got kicked out of the library the other day and Evans gave Snivellus and I that detention?" He got a confirming nod from his friend. "Well, before the detention I heard him and Regulus talking about how they could benefit from the situation. They sent me a letter that threatened to tell the whole school that we were..." he blushed despite himself. "...romantically involved."

Remus Lupin gave out a sound that Sirius couldn't quite identify. "You mean from when you were being the great clumsy dog you are and fell against me? That suffices as a romantic entanglement? I shudder to think about what changing your Quidditch robes in the same room as other blokes means." He noted Sirius's face and his amused look sobered somewhat. "He threatened to tell your mother, didn't he?" Sirius didn't move. "I can't believe it. Your own brother...blackmailing you. I didn't think family members did that to each other."

"Yes, well, my family has a long history of, how you say, unorthodox practices." Lupin thought of Sirius's descriptions of the elf heads mounted on the wall. "Where do you think the term Blackmail came from? One of my ancestors coined the phrase. Old Mum couldn't be prouder of the sod." He kicked at the dirt, shoulders hunched. "I hate my family," he sighed. "My own mother wishes I'd just go off and get myself killed already, so why do I feel so horrible for despising them?"

The werewolf wasn't quite sure what he should say. For once, logic and books didn't have a ready answer. "It's...not your fault, you know. Emotions are what make you human, and no one's really supposed to control them. They just happen." The response didn't make perfect sense, but Sirius accepted it with a nod.

"Thanks, mate. I just wish my pathetic excuse for a family had a few emotions besides hate and power." He pulled up a few pieces of grass, and shredded them before allowing the grass to be blown away. Lupin's comment had been true on many levels--was it intended to be that way? "They don't understand...things...Even though they're supposed to give you support no matter what...but they don't understand...even when they're right..." He was rambling now, and he knew it. He wanted his friend to understand everything while still remaining blissfully ignorant. He didn't know what he wanted.

An owl hooted as the two sat without speaking for a few moments. Finally, Remus Lupin broke the silence. "Padfoot, you know you can tell me anything--and I mean that." He waited for a response from Sirius, who was chewing his lip again.

So, this is what it meant to be between a rock and a hard place. He could either forget the system, let his family do what they wanted, his ladies' man persona blow away, risk everything just to finally give a straight answer. Or he could stay silent, remain conflicted inside, share smiles that could always mean something more, or exchange words that were encrypted with hidden meanings. If Sirius told him, would the following days, months, years be too catastrophic to bear, or would they be worth it?

The end of the world would be worth Remus Lupin. The problem lay in if Remus Lupin thought the end of the world was worth Sirius Black.

Well, Sirius decided, straightening up, looking Lupin straight in the eye, if this didn't work than he'd just have to live in shame. The Black family had never been one to settle for something less than what they wanted, they had never backed down from a challenge, and if there was one trait that Sirius begrudgingly shared with his horrible family, it was stubbornness. If he was left embarrassed and crushed, then so be it, but he wasn't going to let this go on any longer. Snivellus, Regulus, his mother, and the world be damned.

The werewolf blinked at the sudden change in Sirius. There was some sort of fierce determination about him, and it crackled like blue lightning. Could it be that Sirius finally felt secure expressing whatever it was that had plagued him for so long? Lupin had a few ideas of what had been bothering Sirius, but he had never known if he was right. It looked as if he was finally going to find out.

There was a second of utter silence aside from the wind in the trees before Sirius began to speak. Sirius had to pull himself out of the depths of his friend's eyes before he could begin to speak. "Remus..." Sirius was shocked at himself. It was the first time in years he had been able to use his friend's name without worrying about what it would do to him. "Remus, do you remember when I told you last year that...I was..." He was blissfully spared from being forced to finish the thought when the werewolf nodded his understanding, and sucked up whatever determination he had left. "You are the only one I've ever told, and I'm grateful for that. You've never made me regret anything."

Remus Lupin blinked, but didn't look away. Was it really possible that Sirius hadn't been joking when the two of them had laughed over...them? Was there a possibility for more? He had only thought that he had been a random crush, but that was until the crush had returned to haunt him. Nonetheless, his logical mind had kept that thought hidden in a dark corner of his mind, one he rarely allowed himself to visit.

"Sirius..." Lupin didn't know exactly what to say in response to this. But strangely enough just his name seemed to be enough. So he said it again. "Sirius..."

Then in a surprising move, Sirius reached out and grabbed his hand. His eyes were wide and filled with a strange pleading look that Lupin had never seen before. He was always sure of himself, that was just who Sirius was. It was the reason he could talk about snogging the entirety of Hogwarts, and introduce himself as "Sirius, Sirius Black", and dance around the Gryffindor common room in a pair of Lily's knickers. So, Remus put his other hand over Sirius's and smiled reassuringly at him.

"When I told you last year that I fancied you, that was the truth, I don't think I've ever lied to you before. I don't want to lie to you. But..." he paused then pushed on. "It wasn't exactly the entire truth, well maybe it was the entire truth at the time, but now it's not anymore. Ever since that day I've been going crazy thinking about you, and I try not to, I mean I've taken walks, and snogged girls, and even slammed my fingers in textbooks on more than one occasion, but none of it works. After all that I can only come to one conclusion. And that's that I love you Remus Lupin. I love you more than I think I've loved anything ever in my entire life, and I don't care if you don't love me back, I mean, it's all right, but I really have to tell you before I go crazy, and really that's what this entire thing has been about, and I know I'm rambling, but I love you, and I just need to know if you love me back."

The world stopped for a moment as Remus Lupin inhaled, slightly surprised at having to take in so much information so quickly. He didn't look away as he searched Sirius's own eyes, and knew that everything he had said was true. "Wow, Sirius. I don't think I can answer that. I mean—"

Sirius looked quickly away as he blinked back tears. He wasn't going to cry. He couldn't. "It's okay, Moony…I understand, don't worry."

"No, I didn't mean that at all! I just…can't answer it in words." Without any more hesitation, the werewolf disentangled one of his hands, and pulled Sirius toward him. Lupin had a split second to enjoy the look of shock and happiness that dominated his friend's face before he closed his eyes, and their lips met. After a few moments, Sirius pulled away, unable to keep the smile from his lips any longer.

"Wow." His face was lit up, a picture of joy spread across his face. "Wow, Moony, I never expected-"

"Shut up, you idiot," Lupin interrupted, unable to keep a grin from creeping into his features as well. "You're ruining the moment." Sirius happily obliged.

-

They stayed in that spot for an indeterminable amount of time, talking some, laughing some, and smiling endlessly. Sirius finally was able to explain the blackmail situation thoroughly, and despite his protestations, Remus found it to be hilarious. "Oh honestly, Sirius. Were you bred for angst? What's your mother going to do, write me a fancy protest letter?" He had a point, Sirius thought. Howlers were bad for the family reputation, and any hexes would give the staff an excuse to lay punishment on Regulus. "If you don't have your mother's respect, I shouldn't either," Remus continued sleepily, "and my own parents have loved you for ages."

The pale morning sunlight had begun to creep into the forest when Sirius uttered his reply of "Thanks, Remus. That really means a lot to me." He scratched his head, and pushed himself into a sitting position. "Bollocks...the sun is rising. D'you think we should go back?" Anxiety was almost apparent on his face, but it was chased away by sleepy contentment.

Rolling out the stiffness in his neck, Lupin sat up as well. "I suppose...wouldn't it be easier just to stay here all day? We don't have to worry about running into Patricia that way, and then we could simply snog for a while." An impish grin appeared on his lips, but Sirius knew he was joking. The two stood up, and brushed the grass off of their robes before looking at each other again.

"One more before we go, though." He quickly brushed his lips against Lupin's, and they began to walk back towards the trail. After they found it, Sirius realized that there were too many of the little blue and purple flowers to count. "I knew you had something planned all along after I found that flower so easily. Did you expect it to turn out like this?"

Lupin gave him a cryptic smile. "Oh, I don't know. I've heard the flower is really quite difficult to find, which is why the Professor insisted that we take a class trip today and all look for it together." Sirius gaped at him. "Just wanted to get a head start on my homework, that's all." He stretched his arms above his head and yawned. "Are you as worn out as I am? Let's go get some sleep."

Sirius's stunned silence lasted until they spotted a moving figure. Patricia waved from a distance and stopped in front of them, jogging in place. "Good morning, boys! Get done what you needed to?" Patricia, unlike every other student at Hogwarts, had grown up in the States, which made a few of the more worldly students worry about the condition of the country. "Ah, well, even if you haven't, doesn't matter. Peter told me all about it, I won't say a word. If you need me to I'll tell McGonagall you got up for an early breakfast." She smiled cheerfully, and winked, then took off again.

A delighted grin was spreading across Sirius's face. "Can you believe it? Peter's finally found himself a girl, a real live girl to snog on a daily basis! No matter that she wakes up at ungodly hours to jog, we now have a cover when we stay out late!" He looked as if he had just been informed that his house had burned down. "Not to mention the teasing that will ensue. We'll have to get out all our old posters and change 'Hippogriffs' to 'Patricia'."

Lupin chuckled, and shook his head. "That's probably the only girl Peter's ever talked to! I suppose they might as well snog." It was pretty strange, considering it seemed highly unlikely that anyone would ever snog Peter. Then again, it didn't exactly seem likely that anyone would ever snog Patricia. "Wonder how Peter and James are going to react when they hear about, you know, us."

A groan escaped from Sirius's lips as he pondered the idea. "Why can't we just keep it a bunch of secret little rendezvous, Remus? Patricia seems to think we have some sort of new homework hobby, and you heard her say she'd cover for us!" The conversation died, though, as they came within reach of Hagrid's hut, where they could hear him moving around inside.

"Come on, we're almost there," whispered the werewolf. The dew glistened on the grass as they neared the castle, slowly dampening the bottoms of the robes of the two boys. Lupin got out the Invisibility cloak, and the two boys silently entered the passage.

Once they had crept back into the Gryffindor common room Sirius began to speak again. "I mean, wouldn't it be a lot easier to just, well, keep everything a secret? That way I wouldn't have to break the hearts of the female population around here."

Lupin rolled his eyes. "Don't be such an idiot, Sirius. Either we tell our friends, and face the poor crying deluded girls, and tell your brother and Snape to sod off because I don't care how many persuasive essays your mom writes to me, or we just forget about this whole thing." His eyes were firm.

"You mean after all of...of this you'd be willing to just call everything off because I don't want people to know?" He shook his head incredulously. "I swear Moony, you are obviously not familiar with the phrase, 'never give an ultimatum'. Let's go tell my idiot of a brother then, so he can be triumphant for a shining minute."

A look of confusion crossed the werewolf's face as he pondered Sirius's last remark. "Who said it would make him triumphant? His only goal was to make you look like an idiot with his 'lie,' but since it's true and you're all right with it, to me that makes him the loser, don't you think?"

There was a moment of silence before Sirius blinked. "Wow...how do you come up with logical stuff like that all the time...I mean...that was instant!" Lupin shrugged and grinned sheepishly.

"And you don't have to tell him now, you know. Breaking in to the Slytherin dormitory at this hour might cause a few problems." Remus Lupin readjusted his robes, and felt around for something in the pockets. "Just a minute though, Padfoot. I need to run upstairs and get something." With that, he turned around and proceeded up the stairs, leaving a bewildered Sirius standing in the room below.

He returned a minute later, clutching a small box to his chest. It appeared absolutely ordinary. Plain brown wood, no visible latches or openings. But Sirius knew better than to assume it was nothing more than just a wooden cube. "What is that thing?" he asked.

Lupin handed it over, and Sirius found he was able to easily fit it into his palm. "It's something I've been working on for awhile." Sirius turned it over in his hands, inspecting it for anything out of the ordinary. "It's a box that can hold all the mischief you want it to, or all the secrets you don't want revealed. Up until the other night I was struggling with how to keep it foolproof. Then you gave me this." Remus held up the chocolate frog card Sirius had handed him after detention. "If you press it against it right there," he motioned a panel that was the same as the others aside from the fact that it's grain went in a different direction, "face down, it'll open for you."

Sirius took the card, stunned, and pressed it against the side. The panel popped off. Inside there were already dung bombs safely stashed, along with the recently used Marauder's Map, and even James's invisibility cloak. "You did all this?" Sirius gaped, looking up from the strange contraption. "What's the occasion?"

Lupin's eyes flashed with what had to be called glee. "Well, it was originally intended to hold things for anyone of the noble profession of Marauder to give anyone strongly disliked their fair share of hell. Obscenely large amounts of hell, if you will." He took the box back for a moment, and whispered a word that Sirius could not hear. With that, the box shrunk to pocket-size. "It can shrink, too. So if you ever feel the need to give certain Slytherins-who-don't-need-names-mentioned a bit of trouble, then it's all yours."

The grin continued to sit on the werewolf's face as he looked at Sirius inspecting it. He had thrown any modesty he had out the window after he had invented it--it was genius. After all, how many boxes could shrink to that small of a size without negative side effects to their contents?

Sirius looked up in awe. "This is bloody brilliant, Moony! Do you know how much you could do with this?" He continued to go over all sides of it, fully appreciating the magic behind it. "You said something about it keeping secrets, though. What exactly did you mean by that?"

"Oh, well," a look crossed over his face. One that was not easier to classify than any of the other faces Remus Lupin made, and Sirius found himself disconcerted. He didn't like not being able to read people. "It's just that...you know...if you have...uh...keepsakes or something..." A shade of pink tinged his cheeks.

Sirius raised an eyebrow and stared at Lupin for a minute before a look of recognition flashed across his features. "You can't be talking about..." he started laughing, "Like gentle rain on a rose, Moony, you're talking about love letters!"

"Who's talking about love letters?" Sirius took the box and shoved it under his robes, but continued to chuckle. Lupin turned an even darker shade of red. "Well? What love letters? Sirius, don't think I don't know what you've been up to." Lily Evans stood at the bottom of the staircase, shaking her finger at the two Marauders. Sirius's laughter stopped. Evans had found them out? "I know you've been reading the letters that James writes to me, and if you think that for one second I'll let you use them in one of your 'brilliant' plans, you're sorely mistaken..." She trailed off as Sirius was now gripping Lupin for support, he was laughing so heartily.

A confused expression crossed the brow of the Head Girl, and she raised an eyebrow. "_Why_ is that funny? I certainly don't see _you_ being in love with anyone, so I know you're not talking about your own letters." She shook her head, but her eyes narrowed at a small bulge in Sirius's robes. "And what is _that_?" she demanded, pointing.

Slightly reluctantly, Sirius removed the box from the folds of his robe, and held it out. "As you can see, my dear Lily, this is a cube of the utmost craftsmanship. It is a token of affection from our very own Remus Lupin, who has just declared his undying love to me!" He spread his arms wide for dramatic effect, and pretended to swoon into Lupin's arms. At least, he would have if Lupin had caught him. Instead, he fell on the floor.

The other two stared at Sirius on the floor for a moment before anyone spoke. "I'm sure he did," said Lily, who smiled and rolled her eyes. She helped Sirius up, before turning and proceeding to the portrait hole. "See you boys later, I suppose!"

"Wait," Sirius said, stepping forward and grabbing a hold of Lily's arm. "You can't just leave like that. Where are you going at four in the morning on a Sunday?" He stared at her critically.

Lily shook her arm free of Sirius's grip. "First of all, it's four thirty, and secondly, that is none of your business really. But if it will get you to let me alone, I'm going to eat breakfast and then head to the library to work on an essay."

Sirius looked as though his eyes might jump out of his skull and bounce a few times on the carpeted floor. "You woke up this early to work on an essay?" He shook his head in amazement. "I can't believe it. An essay for which class? When is it due? Did you even get any sleep last night after the date with James? And what exactly-"

He stumbled forward as Lupin pushed his shoulder, and stopped mid-sentence. "Get a hold of yourself, Padfoot!" exclaimed the werewolf. "Give her one question at a time! And do you really need to know things that don't necessarily involve you?"

"Oh, come on, Moony," complained the other boy. "You want to know just as much as I do. To the best of my knowledge, the Head Girl doesn't usually make a habit of waking up this early. She has no legitimate reason for being awake." Sirius shot an all-knowing look at Lupin, as if his statement was the most profound thing he had uttered since his conversation in the woods from a few hours ago.

Lily let out an exasperated sigh. "Oh, all right. I'll tell you, Sirius. There is no essay. As it just so happens, last night was fine. But I can't find a good spell to cover up an...um...well..." She trailed off, and blushed as she tried in vain to cover a bright red splotch on her neck with the collar of her robes. "I'm going to the hospital wing, okay? I'm hoping Madam Pomfrey can give me something to cover it up." With that, she stormed out of the common room, muttering something that sounded vaguely like "Boys..."

Sirius and Lupin were in the common room alone again for approximately ten seconds before they looked at each other and burst out laughing. "Jamesy's going to be in for an awfully big surprise," Sirius managed to wheeze out once he had composed himself. "Oh yes, yes he is."

"Stop that," Lupin said, prying apart Sirius's hands which had started to rub together evilly. "We can't just let it be known to the world that Lily has, or had, a hickey." Sirius's face fell as if to say "We can't?" "Because," the werewolf continued, "then everybody would forget about Patricia and Peter, and we can't have that happening, now can we?"

The grin that crossed Sirius's face was only interrupted by a yawn. "I knew I liked you for a reason," he said draping an arm over Lupin's shoulders. "What do you say we catch some winks before plotting anything devious?"

The yawn was contagious, and it hit Lupin before he could mutter, "Yes, I suppose we should...no use creating mischief if you can't be awake to see the results." They headed upstairs together, and sleepily mumbled "G'night" to each other before falling asleep, despite the fact that it was technically morning.


	5. Shall We Dance

Disclaimer: In case anybody has been confused thus far, I am not JK Rowling. 

Author's Note: The next chapter is the grand tamale for this really ridiculous story. This particular installment contains more boys kissing, so if you don't appreciate that, then I wouldn't read. Thanks for sticking it out with some very old silliness!

-

_Chapter Five: Shall We Dance?_

-

Sirius twitched in his sleep, his hands trying to push away invisible enemies. "No..." he quietly whined with frustration, "James, shut up...would you rather I never told you? It's not my fault Moon..ergh..arnd...arghy..." With that, his speech became incoherent--but the voice of James still haunted his dreams.

"You're what Padfoot?" snorted the voice. "Yeah right...you're too popular with the ladies, you could never be...especially with Lupin!" This James was different. The laughter that followed was strange, yet Sirius knew he had heard it somewhere before. James's face began to change, and suddenly it was Snape standing in front of him, taunting him. "Aw, ickle Sirius Black has gotten himself a boyfriend...how cute..." Snape grinned, and a malicious look crossed his face. He began to laugh again, surrounding Sirius with echoed taunts as he raised his wand.

"Oh, just sod off already you great greasy bat." Both Sirius and Snape turned, looking for the source of the voice. Standing off to the side, his arms folded casually and leaning against a wall was one Remus J. Lupin. "Hello," he said cheerfully, "go on then, Snape. Run off and cry to little Regulus." Then, before Sirius's astonished eyes, Severus Snape burst into tears and fled from the room.

"Sirius, I really don't know what in the blazes you're dreaming about, but you'll miss breakfast and Remus just returned from it complaining about those disgusting pastries that you love so much but the house elves hardly ever make." Sirius cracked his eyes open and half-glared at James Potter, who was poking him in the side casually as he spoke. "I know you got to bed late, I talked to Patricia, but really, Remus has been up for nearly two hours now, and we're thinking of having a swing dance competition."

Sirius groaned and rolled over, hiding underneath the covers. "More incentive not to get up. I'll live without the pastries for a month." His stomach rumbled, and he heard the beginnings of Moony's ever popular jazz records. He sat up abruptly. "I'm going to breakfast," he announced, and started for the staircase leading to the common room.

Blaring music attacked him as he entered the room. He hesitated for a moment, afraid of being forced to dance, but mustered as much confidence as he could before crossing the floor to where Remus stood. Sirius saw the question sparkling impishly in the werewolf's eyes before anything was said. "No," Sirius said sharply, before the question could be uttered, "I will not dance with you...well, yet..." The surprise at his friend's agreeing to dance was evident in Lupin's expression, but Sirius plowed on. "I...had a dream, and I want to talk to you about it. It's not just the dream, it's everything, and I don't know...but what I'm really asking is can I talk to you about it over breakfast and I won't even eat any of those pastries but will you come?" He then realized that he was rambling (as often happened when he was nervous), and quickly snapped his mouth shut.

The current song came to an end as Remus gave a mildly flabbergasted "Um, sure...I suppose." With that, Sirius proceeded to drag him out of the common room, and didn't let go until the two practically ran into the Great Hall. "Sirius, let go!" he exclaimed as they sat down. "What is all this about?"

Sirius fidgeted for a moment before he shoved one of the green pastries in his mouth, despite the earlier promise. He blushed as he looked at the plate, but glanced up at met the werewolf's eyes. "Whoops...sorry about that Moony. I won't eat any more." He proved this by serving himself a hefty portion of scrambled eggs before speaking again. "I want to tell people about...you know...but I'm afraid that no one will believe us--well, me at least. I know when I told Lily it sounded like a joke, but it just goes to show that no one will believe it! And I had a dream...Prongs wouldn't believe me, and Snape was..." He trailed off again, and took a bite of the eggs. A smile flickered on his lips for a moment as he continued, "But you were there...you told Snape to shove off and he ran away crying. Then James woke me up." Sirius put down the fork, and studied Lupin's face for a reaction.

If he wasn't mistaken, Remus looked very concerned and thoughtful about his dream. "Wait..." he furrowed his eyebrows. "Did I really make Snape cry?" So, yes, he was mistaken.

"Remus!" Sirius exclaimed in exasperation. The use of his first name, at least, seemed to catch the werewolf's attention somewhat. "I know this all seems stupid, but really, how are we supposed to tell James without him thinking it's some huge joke? He basically assumes everything that comes out of my mouth can't be trusted anyway."

This time he was sure that Lupin was taking him seriously. "I reckon we'll just have to sit him down and tell him without you acting like an idiot, Sirius," he said. "And when he doesn't believe us, just explain it a few more times. I'm sure Peter will be easy enough to convince. He knows more than he lets on, I think."

The scrambled eggs continued to get cold as the fork lay on the table, forgotten. "I am _not_ an idiot," stated Sirius indignantly. "It'd be sort of nice to tell Peter first, since we probably wouldn't need to tell him half a dozen times. Wonder if Patricia suspects anyth--oh, no..." he trailed off, starting at the doors.

Peter had come in, and was making a beeline for the two. He approached the table, and was oblivious to the sudden silence that had come between the two other boys. "Hi! You won't believe what's going on in the common room! James is dancing! With Lily! She's pretty good! They want you two to come back!" His tirade of exclamations was over whelming, but he finally noticed the silence mixed with the bewildered looks of Lupin and Sirius. "So...how are you two? How was last night's studying?"

After a few moments without a word from either of the two, Lupin finally took a deep breath. He stole a quick glance at Sirius, who nodded in silent acquiescence. "Well, actually Peter, it was quite...enlightening..." He hesitated, much to the surprise of Sirius. Was even the great Remus Lupin nervous? Was his confidence as solid as it appeared to be?

"How exactly is Herbology enlightening?" Peter asked, curiosity written across his face. Lupin looked to be formulating the perfect response to this question, but he never got to use it. "Patricia suspects that the two of you spent...uh...more time snogging than studying," he added, looking slightly embarrassed at mentioning such an idea.

There was a short awkward silence before Sirius started laughing. Lupin shook his head. "All the worrying, and Peter's the one to bring it up." He paused and cleared his throat. "Well, Peter, I'm here to inform you that Patricia's suspicions were very correct. Although Sirius and I suspect that the two of you don't spend all your time together just talking."

A furious blush spread across Peter's face. "Well, um, those suspicions are also correct." They all grinned knowingly at each other before Peter stood up, his hands on the tabletop. "When you finish breakfast come back to the common room to dance. James insists that he and Lily have competition."

With that, Peter left the Great Hall, and a stunned Lupin and Sirius stayed behind. They tolerated the awkward silence for a fraction of a moment before breaking out into peals of laughter, and it was Sirius who spoke first. "That was too easy. Who would have thought old Wormtail would be so understanding?!"

Lupin grinned back, and nodded. "Yeah, I wonder how Patricia figured it out, though…I mean, it's not exactly as if we were the most obvious people before last night. Even now we're not…" He looked thoughtfully at the pile of green pastries before continuing, "I can't say I'm going to mind helping you to dismantle that ladies man reputation, though."

Nearly knocking over a pitcher of orange juice, Sirius reached across the table and grabbed another pastry. He defiantly shoved it into his mouth, while the Marauder spark gleamed impishly in his eye. "What do you say we take one of the secret passages back, and we can start dismantling it there?"

A look crossed Lupin's face that clearly read, "If there were anything at all in my mouth right now I would choke to death." Then, an even more impish look crossed his face. "How can dismantling take place if it's not done in front of people properly?" he winked.

"Well, Moony, really, if you want McGonagall coming over and giving us a detention, then go right ahead, but I thought you had a sense of propriety. Prefect duties over snogging duties." His face went entirely deadpan, and pretended to push a pair of reading glasses up his nose. "Really, you three, I _can't_ do that, I'll lose my Prefect duties, and James, _you're_ Head Boy, you shouldn't be agreeing to it either..."

Lupin rolled his eyes. "All right, if you don't want to dismantle your reputation in front of others, I can completely understand. Really though, using a secret passage is against school rules as well, so if you didn't want to do anything at all, you could have just said it outright..." he trailed off, with a heavy sigh.

An imitation sigh escaped Sirius's lips as well, and he stared at Remus with a fixed determination. "I suppose your reputation needs a little dismantling too." The werewolf looked confused for a brief moment, before he was snatched away by Sirius, dragging him out just as he had been dragged in. "What do you say about the passage off the second floor corridor?" he asked as they went down the hall, and up a flight of stairs. "Only James and Peter know about that one, so we're definitely safe."

No reply came from Lupin at first, as the question had been rhetorical. He laughed in defeat, and allowed himself to be pulled behind the statue of Frederick the Flamboyant. Sirius let go of Lupin, and pulled out his wand to open the passage after checking to make sure Filch was nowhere to be seen. It opened, and Sirius gave a little half-bow, as if to say "After you!" The werewolf grinned, and lit his wand as the opening behind them sealed itself.

The passage was a bit wider than most, and the stone was fairly smooth. Lupin leaned casually against it, and looked across at Sirius, a mere two feet away. He raised his eyebrows. "So…I suppose my reputation had been destroyed a bit, and I guess it's your turn now."

Sirius grinned, "I suppose it is." He leaned forward, and into Lupin, which instantly made Remus very glad that he was leaning against a wall because of the feeling that his knees were slowly giving out. "Hey Moony..." he breathed, their mouths almost brushing.

"...What?" Lupin asked weakly. Although he prided himself on being a very strong individual, there was just no denying that he had significantly less experience in this area than Sirius. He could clearly call at least ten incidents to mind of Sirius sneaking off to snog some girl...and there his mind went, nervously wandering when he wouldn't let his mouth do it for him.

"I was just thinking..." he paused, and Lupin thought very faintly that he was going to do something stupid like swoon, "...should we really leave Lily and James waiting for us in the common room?"

The werewolf blinked in surprise as he studied Sirius's face in the dim light of their wands. A small part of him wanted to say "No," but he knew he didn't really want to back out of it, and summoned what courage he could-despite his weak knees. "Of course we should," he murmured. He wanted to move, but Sirius had him pinned against the wall. "And anyway, I need to decide if I'm going to dismantle _all_ of your reputation-the women part and the snogging part-or just the women part."

The shadows flickered slightly on the walls as Sirius smiled to himself. He was in his element now. He knew how to snog the ladies right and left; he could make them, laugh, cry, sigh, or simply want more. He liked to think his talents would apply to his best friend as well. "Don't you dare try to dismantle all of my reputation…" With that said, he closed the remaining space between their lips.

Lupin closed his eyes, enjoying the sensation. Their kisses from earlier had been brief and simple, but this was _more_. There was no denying that Sirius was an expert snogger, but for some reason, Lupin's fears seemed to dissolve. He moved his hands to Sirius's shoulders, and pushed him away for a moment. "I wouldn't dare destroy _this_ part of your precious reputation."

"Remus, shut up, you're ruining the moment," Sirius grinned, before leaning into him again. This time, he was more than happy to oblige, and tangle his hands in Sirius's hair as he backed further into the wall. Sirius distinctly made a sound that was very similar to a growl, and Lupin half opened his eyes in amusement.

Apparently, though, this was a common occurrence for Sirius. Feeling more and more like a girl, his hands fell to fasten tightly around Sirius's neck, as his face was cupped by a pair of hands. His thoughts drifted as mouths inched opens and tongues explored, to moments such as when he and Sirius had written James a letter and signed it _Love, Peter,_ or the time he had returned to the dormitory late one night only to find Sirius awake and anxious to know if he was all right.

Lupin had just started thinking something very stupid along the lines of, _Well, this is nice,_ when Sirius stumbled, and the kiss broke. Concerned, Remus was going to ask if he was all right, but didn't get the chance. "Weak knees," Sirius laughed rather breathlessly, and then, "I thought you didn't do this sort of thing often."

The light from the wands glittered in the werewolf's eyes and he laughed in response. "I don't…it's part of my reputation. Though I do think I should be the one doing the growling, as I'm the wolf and all." He savored the look of curiosity and surprise that crossed the other boy's face, and used the collar on Sirius's shirt to pull him closer again. Their lips met again, briefly, before Sirius pulled away again.

An intensity filled Sirius's eyes as he looked at Remus, and he grinned slightly. "I think we can arrange that." He pushed the werewolf against the wall again, and began to kiss him with renewed energy, breaking away now and then to leave trails of kisses along his jaw line.

Uninvited, a low growl managed to escape Lupin's mouth. He pulled away, but just far enough so that their lips almost touched. He smiled, and murmured, "I suppose you were right."

"Oh? You _suppose_ I was right?" Sirius grinned against Remus's lips. "Well, then, I suppose we should make that affirmative, wouldn't you agree?"

Lupin didn't have the chance (or the wits, really) to squeak out a "yes" before they were kissing again, this time with a strange sort of urgency. There was only so much more time before Peter and James would set off looking for them, and only so much time before they would think to check the passageways that absolutely nobody else knew about, and really...

He stopped Sirius again, this time as robes were being shed. "Sirius, _really_," Remus said. "We have friends waiting, and, well, we're in a dark passageway..."

The light flickered, in an ironic reminder that the passage was not in fact dark. Sirius glanced at them for a moment, and then raised an eyebrow at the werewolf as he looked back, as if to point out the obviousness of the light. "It's not that dark," he said. "And don't worry so much about Jamesey and Peter…keep your shirt on, Remus." He then realized the error of his comment at he studied Lupin's bare chest. "Or, keep you pants on I suppose. At least they're still on."

A mixture of a snort and a sigh emerged from Remus as he pondered the last comment. "I suppose you're right…but my pants are staying on, thanks very much. So do you want to go back or not?" He looked into Sirius's eyes for a moment, surprised at their intensity. There was a pause. "Well?"

Sirius half-smiled as he responded, "Well, whether or not we go, I'm at least giving you a hickey to rival Lily's."

Remus stared at him, one eyebrow raised. It was his look of ultimate disapproval, when he wasn't actually going to take the initiative to stop whatever was going to happen. "You wouldn't dare," he hissed. Sirius grinned.

-

Lily and James had just put on a third record when Sirius and Lupin returned to the common room. Sirius with a wide grin on his face, greeted the both of them. "Are we ready to get this competition underway?" he asked.

"Excuse me for a minute," Lupin said, bowing his head and dashing up the stairs to the boy's dormitories. James looked at his best friend questioningly, but Sirius merely shook with silent laughter.

A moment later, Lupin poked his head around the corner, his robes strategically positioned to hide the glaring red mark on his neck. Sirius fell down in a fit of laughter as he noticed the werewolf, but said nothing. The best part of it all was how Lupin hadn't actually resisted Sirius until he remembered Lily's mad dash to Madam Pomfrey earlier. Lupin turned a somewhat deeper shade of scarlet as he sucked up his courage, and called down, "Lily…can you come up here for a moment? It's…an…um…surprise…for Prongs. No one else come up."

Before anyone could question the werewolf's less that convincing excuse, Sirius spoke up. "Go on, Lily. Trust me, the surprise will be excellent. James won't know what's hit him!"

Lily's curious expression was evident, and she went upstairs with a skeptical "Sure…" as everyone else in the common room turned to look at James. She entered the room, only to find a very nervous Remus Lupin pacing around the room. "Well? What is it? Is really about Ja-" she stopped mid-sentence, in a feeble attempt to stifle her laughter. "Where did that come from?" she exclaimed as he pulled down the collar of his robes. "I certainly hope it wasn't James who did that!"

He smiled, and shook his head. "No...don't worry, I assure you that Prongs is quite intent on giving hickeys to only one person." Lily snickered. "Rather, I was hoping that you could help me tell first how to get rid of it, and second, explain it to James. Maybe he won't think it's so much of a joke then."

Now, Lily prided herself on being very smart and very perceptive, but she was more than a little confused by Lupin's behavior. "Exactly what about this situation would James think you were joking about? If you're asking me to get him to not make fun of you, then I'm afraid that's an impossibility..."

Remus laughed. "No, I've resigned myself to the teasing. Asking you to stop that would be like asking you to convince him to quit the Quidditch team." He paused, and appeared to be struggling with how he wanted to phrase his next statement. "It's more of a request to help convince him that _who_ gave me...uh...this, is not a joke."

The music wafted upstairs as Lily tried in vain to hide her confusion. As she did, her hand plunged into the pocket of her robes for something, and came up with a small container, which she handed to Lupin. "Here. I sort of…borrowed…this from Madam Pomfrey earlier. It'll take about an hour for the full effect to appear." She tucked a strand of hair behind her ears, and looked into the werewolf's eyes. "But why would James be so surprised that some girl gave you a hickey? It's not that strange, you know."

"That's just the point," he said. "It…wasn't a girl. And it wasn't a joke when he gave it to me." He paused for a moment, remembering that Lily was supposedly there to find out about a surprise for James. "Surprise," he remarked, as he opened the container of cream.

"Merlin's beard!" Lily exclaimed, as a small grin flickered on her face. Logic had begun to take its effect, and her green eyes widened. It was obvious that the werewolf was nervous, so she chose her words carefully. "It's perfectly all right, you know, so don't be worried about that. And I think I know who it is. He wasn't joking when I left this morning, was he?"

"I always knew you were a smart girl," Lupin replied, grinning shyly and out of relief at the same time. There was a short pause in the conversation before he spoke again. "You think James will be all right with this?"

She put a hand on his shoulder, and he looked a little nervously into her focused stare. "Of course he'll be all right with it. He's one of your best friends in the world. Besides, he's told me that, well, that you have a secret he can't tell me about. It's something big, I know it is, but I figure that if he trusts you with that, then he'll be completely fine with this." A smile formed on her face. "Anyway, if he's not, I'll give him a bit of persuasion."

Then, Lily walked to the door and opened it, poking her head out. "James!" she called. "Come up here! We've prepared your surprise." She was silent, and Remus could hear James muffled voice. "Yes, bring Sirius up as well!" Another pause. "Well just pick the needle up! Honestly!" She pulled back into the room and smiled at Lupin reassuringly. "Think happy thoughts," she suggested with a wink.

The music stopped with a screech, and soon the other two boys came upstairs – Sirius chewing his bottom lip, and James looking a bit bewildered. James sauntered over to Lily and slipped his hand into hers. Sirius leaned against the wall next to Lupin, searching Lily's face for any sign of how much Lupin had told her already. The snogging euphoria was beginning to wear off, but it was still enough too keep him from being too nervous that one of his best friends was about to find out he was in love with one of his _other_ best friends. He caught the werewolf's eye for a moment, before turning to James. "So…" he began, with amazing eloquence.

"So?" asked James, as he searched the room in an attempt to figure out if any part of his "surprise" was hiding anywhere. "I hope I'm going to like this surprise, seeing as I stopped the music for this."

Lupin pressed his palm to his forehead and looked at the ground, trying to figure out what to say-for once, there was no logical answer. It was painfully obvious that James still didn't realize that something major was going on. Nonetheless, he decided the direct way was best. "James…Sirius and I have something to tell you. Last night wasn't just studying." He looked at Sirius for encouragement, as well as to see how fast he should go in telling James. Before he could say any more, though, Sirius opened his mouth to speak.

"I suppose it's best to be blunt about this," he stated, straightening up. "Come here." James stepped forward, still completely unaware of exactly what his "surprise" was. He grabbed Prongs by the shoulders and looked straight at him. "This may come as a bit of a shock," he said, his insides broiling but his inner Marauder cackling. "But-" he leaned forward and planted a kiss on James's lips "-that's what Moony and I were doing last night."

Remus was torn between laughing, and burning away from embarrassment. Lily, however, had no such dilemma. She leaned against a nearby bedpost and wrapped her arms around herself, snorts and giggles escaping in rapid succession. "Sirius!" Lupin exclaimed.

"What?" Sirius asked, much more relaxed, although James still had a sort of glazed and confused look written across his face. "We didn't want him to laugh it off as a joke, right? What else was I supposed to do?" He turned back to James, and nudged him. "Hey, mate, you all right there?"

"Um…yes. I suppose." He sat down on one of the beds, though, and stared at the two boys with a look of shock. "It…was a surprise, certainly." He continued to stare somewhat blankly, as the wheels in his head struggled to process everything that had just happened into something coherent.

Meanwhile, the werewolf tried to fight the smile on his face, as well as his deepening blush. "Sirius, that was very rude of you. It's supposed to be me you're kissing, not James."

"Well, Remus, I suppose we can arrange that!" exclaimed Sirius. He walked towards Lupin, and pulled him close for another kiss. "Hope you're not after any more hickeys, though."

"Never again," Lupin assured him. "They're absolutely horrid."

Peter walked into the room, and every head turned to look at him. He saw Lily, looking very amused, and rubbing James's back. James himself, was staring in slight disbelief at Sirius and Remus, who were still in a half-embrace. "Ah, so they've told you then," he smiled, reaching for the small bouquet of flowers on his bedside table. "I was wondering."

"You knew? You know? You..." James trailed off, then set his glasses in his lap and proceeded to rub his eyes with his palms. "What are the flowers for?" he finally asked, when he seemed to be able to string words together again. "A big date? With a girl?"

"No, actually I'm meeting a rather attractive Slytherin boy for lunch later on." He chuckled as James's mouth dropped open, and grinned sheepishly as he continued, "Yes, it's a she. Her name is-"

"PATRICIA!" burst out Sirius, unable to contain his excitement any longer. "Peter snogs not hippogriffs, but Patricia Wamps!" He let go of Remus, and collapsed onto the floor in a fit of laughter – for the umpteenth time that day.

James began to shake his head, and he looked at the other three Marauders. "You three are such…such…" He trailed off, before beginning again. "Well, it certainly was a surprise…Peter's actually snogging a girl on a regular basis, my two other best friends are snogging each other. Are there any more surprises?"

"Well, actually..." Lily started, but she ended up dissolving into a fit of giggles before she could drum anything else up. James tackled her onto the bed, and soon a very mature wrestling match had broken out between the four Marauders and Lily Evans.

They all lay on the floor, panting and grinning at each other afterwards. Peter sat up suddenly with a squeak, grabbed the flowers and dashed out. Sirius began chuckling again at the thought of Peter having an actual girlfriend.

Finally, James sat up and sighed. "You know, I should have suspected," he shook his head. "I should have seen it. Very obvious." Sirius cocked his head as if to ask why. "The love letter," he said. "Sirius, you turned about seven different colors in the span of ten seconds when Remus joked that he never knew you felt that way about him. And then...Quidditch practice. I've never seen you that jittery and anxious to study for anything. Then there was the letter that your brother sent you, why, he's caught on, hasn't he?" By this time both Sirius and Lupin were staring at him in shock. It appeared that James Potter was certainly not unaware of his surroundings.

Sirius blinked, and stared in James in shock. "Wow, Prongs…good job on that." He sat up as well, and scooted closer to Lupin, as if he was in need of some sort of emotional support. It was obviously still something of a touchy subject, but he nodded his head. "Yes…Regulus_ did_ catch on. And Snape. And I'm not sure what to do about it." He picked at a spot in the rug on the floor, and continued, "The bizarre thing is that I burned the letter he sent me about it, wrote 'Shove off,' and sent it back to him-but he hasn't done anything about it. It's…strange."

James looked into his friends eyes, and saw that there was true concern there. Almost nothing could rattle Sirius, so obviously he was worried that Regulus or Snape would try to do something. "So…what do you want to do about it?"

Lupin smiled, and grabbed Sirius's hand away from the rug. "Well, there's only one answer to that…we're going to need the talents of all Marauders to give them the hell they deserve. Any ideas, Prongs?"

A wicked grin made its way across James's face. "Do I have any ideas? Does the great James Potter have any ideas that could possibly humiliate the enemies of the Marauders in every way possible? I have lists on the subject, Remus my friend. You could write a novel." With that, he actually reached under his bed and pulled out a sheet of parchment. "Idea number one..."


	6. Crime and Punishment

Disclaimer: Alas, it is still not mine.

Author's Note: I had forgotten how completely silly the ending to this story was. Thanks to those to those who have read, and I hope you enjoy the final installment!

-

_Chapter Six: Crime and Punishment_

-

The next morning, despite the fact that it was a Monday, and the most horrible classes imaginable were going to take place, Sirius Black smiled. After a long, heated discussion a suitable punishment for the crimes committed by Severus Snape and Regulus Black had been decided on. By the time he returned to the dormitory to sleep, it would be with justice still ringing in his heart.

Sirius climbed out of bed, yawned, and after throwing on his robes, went to breakfast. Lupin was predictably only half eating, absorbed instead in a new novel. James and Lily were carrying on with themselves, and Peter was still up at the dormitory sleeping. "Good morning," he greeted them brightly, and took a seat. "How do you all fare on this fine day?"

"Wonderful!" exclaimed James, "Thank you for asking!" He took a large bite of toast smeared with some sort of orange marmalade, and grinned.

After searching the table for the green pastries, Sirius sat down. "So, has anyone gotten any mail today? Fine day for mail." He gave up on the pastries, and instead helped himself to a heaping plate of cinnamon rolls. Just then, as if to answer his question, a flock of owls flew in. Grinning as he sipped his pumpkin juice, he looked gleefully across the hall. "Ah, nothing like a little revenge to start your day."

Just then, the unmistakable shriek of a Howler rang through the Great Hall. By the sounds of things, it seemed to be coming from the Slytherin table. "_REGULUS BLACK_!!! HOW _DARE_ YOU 'GO OUT' WITH THAT GIRL! I ABSOLUTELY FORBID YOU TO SEE HER EVER AGAIN!!! _A HALFBLOOD_??? AND A HUFFLEPUFF??? I AM APALLED, AND ASHAMED TO CALL YOU MY SON!!!!" There was a small burst of flame, and the shrieking stopped.

The entire student body started to snicker quietly, and while a buzz of conversation began at the Hufflepuff table, all the Slytherin students were stating at Regulus as if he was the carrier of some contagious disease. Knowing full well that their mother normally found it "crude" to send Howlers, Regulus glared across the hall at his brother, his face bright red from shame.

Sirius grinned back, and waved, stuffing a roll into his mouth. "Think he expects what's coming next?" he asked, batting his eyes sweetly in his brother's direction. "Thinks he even has a clue?"

"I wouldn't count on it," James said, averting his eyes from the scene as if the Howler was something he had no knowledge about, and had already lost interest in. Lily even scolded him for turning to stare at somebody who was obviously an innocent caught between love and his pureblood parents' ideals.

Sirius grinned, and took a triumphant bite of his breakfast. It couldn't have been better if he had cursed Regulus into a pile of dragon dung. The other Slytherins were still staring at Regulus suspiciously, though he seemed to be frantically explaining things to those immediately next to him. "And next it'll be little Snivelly's turn," sighed Sirius in a singsong voice.

After his last comment, as if on cue, Snape entered the Great Hall. He looked about at the confusion, and took a tentative seat next to the very red Regulus Black. He turned to Snape, and immediately began to gesture wildly and point at the ashes of the former Howler. As he did so, a late owl flew in, and landed clumsily on top of a bowl of fruit, a small, lumpy package dangling from its leg. Snape turned to it, and looked sideways at Regulus before reaching to untie it.

James snorted into his pumpkin juice, and stole a quick glance at the two Slytherins before turning to Lupin and Sirius. "I give him about thirty seconds before he gets it open…Marauders, congratulations on Phase One of the Giving-Slimy-Slytherins-Hell Plan."

Unable to exchange high fives (too conspicuous) they all tipped their glasses of pumpkin juice at one another and drank heartily. Just as James completed the countdown under his breath, they heard righteous stuttering from the Slytherin table. Sirius glanced over sideways at Snape and snorted into his juice.

"You all right?" Lupin asked, struggling to contain a grin himself. He could only imagine the look on Snape's face at his newly received dog bowl and collar each proclaiming "Sev" scripted onto bronze. A little note that would burn itself upon being read so as not leave behind incriminating evidence read: _To our favorite little lapdog_ signed with lips, contribution of Sirius.

They had vetoed the idea of giving him a set of clean underwear with a note attached, deciding that the better way to get back at Snape was being just as sly as he was. The underwear bit could be deduced as a gift from the Maruaders even by the youngest Hufflepuff student in the castle, but the dog items could be written off as anything, really. Only Snape would truly know what they stood for, which just made it that much better.

James carefully ignored the Slytherin table, and turned to the other Marauders. "That was excellent! I haven't seen Snivelly that red in a long time! Though, later today should pose as a rival to that." He raised his eyebrows, and nodded seriously. "Yes, later should be quite memorable…"

-

After breakfast, Lupin stopped by the greenhouses to hand in his Herbology essay, complete with the flower sample. It wasn't due until Tuesday, but the werewolf had wanted to hand it in while the flowers were still fresh. Sirius went with him, smiling to himself as he saw the tiny flowers. As they left, Sirius nudged Lupin with his elbow. "Want to know something pathetic?"

The werewolf raised his eyebrows, in an expression that said "Do tell." Sirius blushed as they headed towards Defense Against the Dark Arts, and half-whispered, "I took one of those flowers, and put a charm on it so it won't wilt. Pretty stupid, huh?"

"Exceedingly so," Lupin replied without missing a beat. He smiled and grabbed Sirius's arm, then leaned over to talk into his ear. "To tell you the truth," he said softly. "I did the same thing." Then, with a grin, he let go and entered the room, greeting Peter and asking if he had finished his essay all right.

Sirius sat down, feeling much better than the last time he had entered the classroom. Professor Claddins also seemed to be in a strangely good mood, and let them work in groups in preparation for the N.E.W.T.s, which consisted of James and Sirius getting no work done, while Lily and Remus attempted to help Peter.

Entering the Great Hall for lunch, Sirius became acutely aware that the plan was working splendidly. He had innocently been starting in on an apple when Regulus walked behind him and muttered something very akin to, "You're going to regret this."

"Am I now?" answered Sirius softly, as Regulus quickly whipped around to glare at him. He paused, and seemed unsure of whether he should stop, or continue to the Slytherin table. Sirius took advantage of his hesitation, and continued. "Dearest brother, would you like a dog bowl, too? How cute…then you and Snivelly could sit around together licking Voldemort's boots all day. It is what you want, isn't it? To go around taking orders all day, like nice little puppies?"

Regulus bristled, and seemed to consider taking out his wand--that is, until he noticed the Head Girl a few feet away, watching carefully out of the corner of her eye. "Shut up, Sirius. This isn't over yet – a fake little Howler from Mum isn't enough incentive for me to start spreading the…finer points…of your life to the rest of this school."

A few students were beginning to attempt to not-so-discreetly listen to the hushed conversation, so Sirius turned back to his food as he uttered his last comment. "Don't worry, this will all be over by tonight--trust me."

Regulus sniffed loudly and swept off, a manner that his mother would have greatly approved of, Sirius thought. The way his robes swished in just the right manner would have been enough to make the old bat proud.

Lupin sat down next to him and set down a text. "You'll want to read chapter three before dinner," he informed Sirius. Before he could ask Lupin why, the werewolf was getting to his feet again, with a pear in hand. "It's very important," he said, squeezing Sirius's hand quickly. "Just trust me on it." Then he too swept by and was gone. Sirius was glad to note that in no way did Remus Lupin's robes swish to suggest superiority or regality.

He turned to the textbook that had been set down in front of him. _The Art of the Sleeping Draught_. Why was this important? Sirius flipped the book open to chapter three, and laying on top of the pages was a hand written note. _Padfoot – The letter's been sent. Meet by the fruit portrait outside the kitchens during dinner. Don't worry about destroying the note. It's been charmed. Cheers – Moony_

He removed the note, and placed the book on the floor. Feeling a need for a little more dramatic flair in his life, he caught the eye of Snape, who was glaring in his direction. He wadded up the note, tossed it in the air, and set fire to it. Snape narrowed his eyes, and slowly turned back around to whisper something to Regulus.

-

The rest of the classes for that day went smoothly, thankfully with very little homework. After Charms, the Marauders headed back to the Common Room before dinner to discuss their final plans for the night. James was beside himself with excitement and Peter fidgeted in the tension. Sirius smoldered with the desire for revenge flowing through his veins and Remus sat with the serene disposition that only he could contain in the face of mischief.

It was James who spoke first, as he ceremoniously laid out the Marauder's Map. After declaring "I solemnly swear I am up to no good," he studied the map for a moment before speaking. The hallway outside the kitchens looks fairly clear--no stupid little first-years attempting to duel, and no Filch. "Are you three ready?"

Sirius nodded solemnly. "Never been more ready in my life. Let's do this." He reached out, wand in hand. "Mischief managed," he murmured and wiped the map clean. They got to their feet, and James handed out the invisibility cloak. Sirius threw it over himself, Peter, and Lupin, and they drew together, hunched over until James declared them out of sight.

He exited the common room, the other three Marauders following. Strolling down the hall, James greeted two third years with a grin and a wink, causing them to turn bright red and stutter. "Almost there," he muttered to the empty space behind him.

"Thank Merlin," Sirius whispered. Considering that he was hunched over, one arm around Remus and the other around Peter, he had started developing very uncomfortable cramps in his neck and shoulders. "Are they waiting for us?"

"I think one of them is coming," murmured James. "Yes…it's Regulus." He took out his wand and spun it around once, before deftly hiding his hand in the folds of his robes. The other Black son drew nearer, and glared at James, who gave a falsely friendly smile in return. "Hello, Regulus, old boy. Fancy seeing you down here."

The other boy sneered in return. "And why are you here? This is between Sirius and I, and you know it." There were a few footsteps from somewhere behind James, and Regulus looked at them expectantly. "Well, and Snape, I suppose."

James did not turn around to look at Snape, who was unsuccessfully attempting to sneak up from behind. A few steps to the right and he would have hit the other Marauders hiding under the cloak, but thankfully he didn't. "Hello, Snivelly," he sighed. "You know, I almost wouldn't have heard you if the grease from your hair didn't drip so loudly."

"Ha," Snape replied sarcastically. "Really witty of you." His glare and scowl were fixed expectantly on his face. "Where are those other friends of yours? Hiding in a passage maybe? Waiting to ambush us? Eating because they've forgotten about you? Or maybe..." his eyes glinted. "Under an invisibility cloak?"

James visibly tensed. The year before, when he had pulled Snape out of the passageway by the Shrieking Shack, they had returned to the school, hidden under his invisibility cloak. The promise to tell nobody about Remus's condition, had also forced Snape to keep knowledge about the cloak hidden, as he was forced to pretend as if the night had never happened. "They haven't forgotten," James responded calmly. "Just taking their time."

On that cue, the three shuffled backwards, to take the cloak off where Regulus and Snape couldn't see them. James would be able to work the two Slytherins up while they waited around the corner. The more James could frustrate the boys, the better. Sirius threw the cloak off, and peeked around the wall to assess the situation. Lupin, however, had a look of quiet contemplation on his face.

"What's the matter with you?" hissed Sirius, in the quietest voice he could conceivably use. Usually by this point, the werewolf would be too wrapped up in the glory of the prank to think of something. Even he took breaks from the logic once in a while.

The voices of James, Regulus, and Snape could still be heard easily around the corner, but Lupin frowned in spite of them. "I know everything seems to be working well so far, but something seems...wrong. Snape is too quiet. Too calm. So is Regulus. They should be more defensive by now, but they just aren't."

Sirius's fingers moved towards his wand almost instinctively at Remus's last comment. "I don't think so, they seemed quite edgy after their little presents this morning. But...you're right. Snape isn't frothing at the mouth, or even reaching for his wand yet, as far as I can tell." True, it was rare for Snape to retain his cool for so long. Nonetheless, the Marauders knew his reflexes were good, and that he could pull out his wand in a second. Sirius chewed his bottom lip for a moment before stopping himself. Sometimes it was just easier to accept the inevitable that Remus Lupin was almost always right.

A voice rising in anger wafted down the hall. "Listen, Potter, enough of your games. Where is my brother?" Sirius grinned. That was predictable behavior from Regulus. It was also, if Sirius wasn't mistaken, the perfect time to make an entrance.

"You want to see me that much? Aww, I'm honored Regy, I really am," Sirius cooed, walking down the hall. Regulus glared at him. "Sorry I'm late, I was really quite caught up in...pressing matters." Sirius reached out and ruffled his little brother's hair. "You understand."

Regulus reached out and grabbed Sirius's arm forcing it away from him. "Not really," he growled. "I'm afraid that when you're the one who sets the appointment you should go out of your way to be punctual. Now tell me, are your other friends lurking about? That chubby boy and your dog of a boyfriend?"

"Actually, the dog would be me," said Sirius lightly. If only he could mention that Lupin was a werewolf…

Snape sneered, as if reading Sirius's thoughts. "Yes, your _boyfriend _is certainly not a dog, from what I hear." He narrowed his eyes, the agitation finally showing on his face. "And what is all this about? You obviously had more in mind than just talking."

A giggle (for it could only be called that) caught in James's throat, and he grinned broadly. "You are absolutely right, my dear Snivelly. What fun would there be in just talking?" James stole a quick glance at the wall where the other two marauders were hidden, and met Sirius's eyes. He nodded – the plan was finally going to be put into action.

Sirius eyed the floor critically to where they had been standing earlier that afternoon. Perfect. "Yes," he agreed. "I mean, when we could be taking a look at Snivellus's underwear again, why in the world would we just want to stand around and talk about things?"

"I've had enough of this!" Snape growled, pulling his wand from it's hidden position in his robes (which Sirius thought quite rude, really, the invitation had said no weapons) and taking a step forward. Sheldon's No Shine Slicker hadn't worn off, and Snape's foot landed squarely on the small patch, causing him to start flailing to keep his balance. He started to fall forward, and surely his face would have been smashed against the floor, but Regulus managed to swing around just in time and catch him. They both hit the ground, hard.

_Click!_ "What was that?" Regulus demanded, struggling to sit up. He rubbed the back of his skull and looked to his older brother. "What did you just do?"

A grinning Peter and Remus stepped into view, with Peter displaying a camera as if it was a prize on a Muggle game show. Lupin gave a polite nod of his head, before exclaiming, "Thank you, Regulus! Sirius and I are forever in your debt." He paused, and took something out from behind his back. "Well…perhaps not, but I'm sure you get my meaning." With that said, he threw the Invisibility cloak around himself and Peter, disappearing before either of the Slytherins could collect their thoughts.

Snape turned red with anger, obviously figuring out what Regulus had yet to realize. "You slimy gits! You will not get away with publishing those photos! I'll…I'll…" He trailed off, and whipped out his wand. He began to let out a stream of curses, but Sirius stepped in front before any damage could be done.

"Protego!" he cried, trying to remember the Defense Against the Dark Arts lesson from not-so-long ago. He focused on the shield, luckily able to deflect the curses. Finally, he slid a fraction of his attention away and glared at Snape with renewed hatred. "EXPELLIARMUS!" he roared, as Snape's wand was snatched out of his hand. He fell back, narrowly missing a statue.

Regulus stammered, seeming to be in some degree of shock as Snape attempted to get up. The wheels were turning, though, as he realized how the photos of him and Snape would look. It was far better proof than they had of their story about Sirius and Lupin. "You just…you just…and the pictures are…are…?"

Sirius grinned broadly. "Blackmail, my dear brother. It runs in the family, you know." Regulus tried to sputter out a response, but it became quickly obvious the words were failing him. Having said what he needed to say, Sirius waved, winked, and seemingly disappeared into thin air.

"Oh, by the way," James said, the only visible Marauder left in the hallway. "In case you were wondering. This counter-blackmail may be quite handy, but probably for a different cause then you think. Take one of these. They'll be all over the school by morning." He handed out a sheet which Regulus took, still in shock, then also vanished into thin air.

The Marauders shuffled away, trying their best to attempt and stifle giggles, and finally reached the Gryffindor common room where they burst out into laughter. Peter tenderly handed the camera over to James, who promised to have the photos developed before dinner the next day. "Although you probably won't have time to care about it at all..." Sirius, Lupin, and Peter all gave him curious looks, but James merely yawned. "I'm going to bed. See you in the morning." With that he trod up the stairs, putting an end to the best prank that Mssrs. Moony, Padfoot, Wormtail, and Prongs had ever completed.

-

Sirius woke up the next morning, feeling completely content with the world. He was just sitting up and stretching when Peter burst into the room. "You're up!" he exclaimed. "Come down to the common room!" Before Sirius was able to question him, Peter had gone. Not bothering to get properly dressed, Sirius threw on his robe and tore down the stairs, only to come to a screeching halt halfway down, his mouth hanging open. The walls were littered with posters, proclaiming: _Give up ladies! The infamous Sirius Black has hung up his cloak and is now only has secret rendezvous with one lucky man._ Below was a picture containing Sirius making rude gestures at the viewer while Lupin smiled in amusement.

Not knowing whether he should look confused or embarrassed, Sirius resorted to chewing his lip while hiding a small grin. He glanced to his left, and saw James relaxing in a corner and winking at him. Sirius obediently came when the Head Boy beckoned him over, and leaned forward to hear James's whispered report. "Everything's going to plan, mate. Moony left about fifteen minutes ago to inform the first professor he finds about the conversation he overheard last night."

Sirius smiled broadly, then with mock politeness offered his hand to James. "Shall we go to breakfast then, my dear friend?" The two turned from the corner, and quickly left the common room before any more odd looks had to be endured.

As they left the portrait hole, it was obvious that someone had been busy the previous night. The posters were plastered everywhere, including over the face of a very indignant knight who kept threatening to slay the hellions who had done it to him. As they approached the Great Hall, the raised voice of Professor Claddins became easily audible.

He was standing in front of two very bewildered looking boys, who happened to be none other than Severus Snape and Regulus Black. "How _dare_ you two do something of this nature! Don't give me any innocent looks. Remus Lupin informed me of _everything_ he heard last night while patrolling the halls, and I daresay Mr. Lupin's record is far cleaner than yours." The professor stopped to draw breath, while the two Marauders stayed carefully back in the adjoining hall. "I want all of these posters removed by ten this morning, I want written apologies to Misters Black and Lupin, and I want to know how you obtained the passwords to all of the common rooms. I _also_ will be meeting with the headmaster to discuss this matter. Do I make myself clear?"

Both boys mumbled very meek "yes sir"s and glared at the professor's retreating back when he was satisfied they would do what he had told them. Snape glanced over at where James and Sirius were pretending to casually walk by, Sirius whistling for good measure. A look of unadulterated hatred crossed his features. "This isn't the last of it, Black," he snapped. "Not by a long shot."

James shot him a merry grin. "I'm afraid it is Snivelly dear, you see, those photos that we came in possession of last night could be used in a way you might not find too favorable." He pulled one of the many posters of the wall, and pointed to the picture of Sirius and Remus. "I mean, it wouldn't take that much of a charm to change a few words around, substitute the picture..."

His response was bitter grumbling. He laughed and dropped the poster on the floor. "You hear Professor Claddins, boys, on the double or I'll give you both detentions." They strolled away from the triumphant scene, swaggering as much as they could. "You know," James commented, "being Head Boy is more work than you'd think, but sometimes, just sometimes, that abuse of power is worth it."

They entered the Great Hall, which the mysterious poster hanger had also attacked, and were greeted by Lupin, who, by the looks of things, and just had a rather lengthy conversation with a group of giggling third year girls. "Good morning," he said, much more awake than anyone quite had the right to be. "Sleep well?"

"Fairly," replied Sirius, who looked at the table for his green pastries, and unfortunately found none. He instead took a seat by a rather large bowl of potatoes. "It was lovely waking up, though. James and I just saw the, ah, culprits getting punished." He took a bite of potatoes, frowned, and heaped some salt on top of them. "It really was a smashing plan."

James beamed, not because his plan had been dubbed "smashing" by Sirius, but simply for the reason that he was James Potter, and he had pulled of the trifecta of mischief revenge, Snape, and blackmail in a space of less than 24 hours. "It really was a good plan " he trailed off, and looked admiringly at one of the posters. "I've got to remember to get one of those to keep and, by the way, when are the two of you going to, erm, come out? That'll finish everything off quite nicely make Snivelly and Regulus look worse than liars. Intolerant or something, I guess."

The owls flew in as Lupin sat and looked thoughtful. "I don't know how we re going to do it. Those girls I was talking to just asked me about it I came up with a more or less ambiguous answer, so they don t know what to think. Any ideas, Padfoot?"

Sirius ducked as an owl with a particularly large package almost dragged its tail feathers in a jar of strawberry jam. "I'm not sure I want to do something big, you know? Let them all know at once."

"Well," Remus said mildly, "I'm not sure we can exactly avoid that. Once somebody outside knows, the entire school is bound it hear about it within the next twenty four hours." He looked curiously at the owl, who was hooting at him plaintively. "Hullo there, what's that you've got?" He untied the package and carefully opened it.

Lying inside was the biggest assortment of chocolate outside Honeydukes that England had ever seen. Lying on top was a card that scrawled, "Congratulations! Love, Mum and Dad". It took less than five seconds for Lupin to begin laughing quietly. "I always told you that my parents loved you," he said, pushing the card across the table.

"I'll toast to that!" James exclaimed, lifting his glass of pumpkin juice. "To Remus Lupin, the man who has no money and parents that spend this non-existent gold on obscene amounts of chocolate." They clinked glasses and all took drinks. Then, James Potter cleared his throat, cleaned his glasses on his shirt and turned to Sirius in a very worrisome manner. "And to Sirius Black, the man who has never been one for subtlety, and now that he is, is about to get a very rude awakening."

Sirius looked at him in a way that said, "What in the blue hell do you mean by that?" James pointed to the ceiling, where a few owls were still making their way in, and to a large brown one in particular that was doing a good job of blocking whatever it had grasped in its talons.

A slight blush appeared on the werewolf's cheeks, and he grinned sheepishly. "You've got to promise you won't be mad at me, but I figure this affects the two of us, and I want to get this bloody business over with." Sirius continued to look mortified, as he hated the unexpected more than anything else. Lupin grabbed the other boy's hand, and inclined his head at James. "We all chipped in for it, Peter, Patricia, and Lily included. Cost us a tidy little sum."

With that said, the owl seemed to take its cue, and released the package. It was a rather large box, with labels on the side that stated rather clearly (even from several feet up) WARNING: CONTENTS EXPLOSIVE. Several students looked up, acutely aware that a box was in danger of falling on their heads. James winked at Sirius, then before anything else could be done pulled out his wand. The box exploded quite loudly, sending an array of fireworks above the heads of the students.

Sirius's eyes widened, and he gripped Lupin's hand in what could be considered a death grip as the flames and sparks began to form words. YOU CAN'T ALWAYS BELIEVE WHAT YOU HEAR, BUT YOU CAN BELIEVE WHAT YOU SEE! REMUS LUPIN AND SIRIUS BLACK ARE IN LOVE! THEIR RENDEZVOUS ARE A SECRET NO LONGER! The eyes of curious students began to search for the pair, as if looking for more visual confirmation to the rumors.

In a rather uncharacteristic move, Lupin pulled Sirius up onto the table top, and indicated for the blushing Sirius to take a bow. Sparks rained down on them, as gently as onto a rose. Lupin pulled him close for a quick kiss, to which James began applauding. Quite a few other students joined in, and Sirius blushed scarlet. "Well," remarked the blushing Black "I guess that's settled. I suppose I should be grateful you didn't add a rainbow to all that. But thanks."

Remus Lupin grinned in his knowing way. "You're welcome."

This time the kiss that ensued was not instigated by Lupin, was not so quick, and eventually several indignant professors pulled the two boys off the tabletop and issued more detentions in one go than the history of Hogwarts had ever seen.

That, however, is another story for another time.


End file.
